Stupidity Takes Revenge

Heavily pregnant, all 180 pounds of me sat, sipping soup, in my uncovered patio. Wearing a potato sack style dress and sporting a Ma Kettle inspired housewife bun, I looked about as fetching as a beached walrus.

As I sipped, my skin began to prickle; I sensed I was being watched. I quickly snapped up my triple decker chin in time to see the next door neighbor dart away from his second story window. This window peered directly onto our patio. Unsure whether he was insane or inane, I relocated to my kitchen.

I had met this neighbor, Randy, only once a few months ago. At that time, he’d recently moved in and made a point of telling me what a friendly fellow he was and that four of the neighbors were already his best friends. O…kay.

Fast forward six months. My husband and I decided to remodel our home. We filed paperwork with the City Planning Department, who then sent all who lived nearby proper notice. I decided to visit the next door neighbors and show them exactly what we planned in case they had questions or concerns.

I knocked on Randy’s door, baby in tow. Wife, Josie, let me in. Randy sat in a chair, ignoring me while I talked of our remodel. Josie, too, gave me the silent treatment. I should have taken that as a warning signal. When stupers (yes, dear readers, short for those incredibly stupid persons) are quiet for a prolonged period (say 7 seconds or more), something is definitely amiss.

I asked if I could show them our plans. I might as well have asked permission to burn down their house.  Randy started raving about why I had not shown him the plans prior to filing with the City.

“I had to learn about it from the City?”  “You are so rude!” “You didn’t even have the common decency to talk it over with me first!”

And, he added, all the other neighbors felt just as he did. Did you notice that stupers often designate themselves as spokespersons for the general public? That’s because they lack imagination or thought. Consequently, they believe everyone sees things as they do. That is, they view the world through a straw. I’d talked to most of the neighbors, and to me, they’d seemed happy with our design.

Despite being a young mother with baby, Randy showed me no mercy. I quietly left before one of us broke down in tears. I hoped my son would not be scarred for life by the ridiculously scandalous scene.

Was Randy perverse? Or stupid? I believe he was perversely stupid. His nosiness which caused him to spy on me was idiotic. A pregnant woman eating soup on her patio? Maybe he was trying to determine if it was canned or homemade soup. Had he merely been glancing at me while lost in thought, there would have been no reason for him to take cover once discovered. He was perverse for giving into a primitive curious impulse, for his lack of self-control and his sudden power-trip tantrum. His meager mind made him stupid; his idle curiosity added a touch of perversity.

After all was said and done, I understood perfectly. I was the victim of a stuper’s revenge. For Randy, it was important to be liked by all. When I caught him…well, acting like himself, he couldn’t handle it. Randy wanted me to feel the sense of humiliation he felt when caught spying. Remember, unbelievable as it may seem, many stupers have egos. I caught him redhanded as he acted stupidly. He wanted me to feel the degradation of stupidity too. But, there’s only one person who can make me feel stupid: me.

Meager minds take refuge in idle curiosity. So I didn’t take Randy’s spying seriously. He was merely indulging his vacancy of thought. Idle minds don’t know what they want or need. So out of lack of something more constructive to do, Randy spied.

We did not remodel our home. About six months later, we moved a few miles away.

Not long after, I sat in a cafe, sipping tea. I got that prickly sensation again. Sure enough, Randy stood nearby. I looked up and encountered the discomfort of a stuper who has no idea how to react. What did I do? I greeted him like an ill-gotten neighbor who I was grateful I didn’t live next door to any more. I was pleasant. Randy, believing I had completely forgotten our stupid encounters, (since stupers suffer rapid onset of amnesia, they believe everyone else does too), immediately thought us best friends. Thankfully, more than a decade has passed, and I haven’t seen him since.

Remember, our character is defined by our reactions. Be careful how you react lest you be classified as a stuper. 

Don’t stop thinking!

Keli

Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

 

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