Ready, Aim, Fire Stupidity

Have you ever contemplated inflicting a moderate-to-sizable dose of bodily harm on another person? How about while shopping in a department store? The answer is almost always yes – at least when the other person is a stuper (short for those remarkably stupid persons).

My sister, Vanessa, had this to say about her department store encounter with stupidity:

“I’d just left the cosmetics section. Then I turned around and saw this girl, running towards me in what looked like slow motion. She held a hand out in front of her, and in it, she was holding a Q-tip with a glob of white cream at the end. She ran up to me and said, ‘This is a great new eye cream perfect for your wrinkles!’ She didn’t just say ‘wrinkles.’ She said MY wrinkles. I told this obviously semi-blind, possibly lobotomized *&($#, that I already used an eye cream that worked well. I turned to leave, and she had the nerve to ask which one. I told her they didn’t carry it in this store, and I took off. I didn’t want to risk hearing another stupid word out of her.

Later, I went back to buy a lip-liner. Mine had fallen in the toilet (don’t ask). I couldn’t remember the color so I asked for help. This time, the salesperson, while supposedly helping me, kept her eyes fixed, off to one side, on the escalator.

I asked to see a rose toned lip-liner. She reached her hand beneath the counter, and, puppet-like, handed me a brown liner. I asked again, and she pulled out a red one. Meanwhile, she wouldn’t tear her eyes away from the escalator. I asked a little louder, ‘Do you have rose colored lip-liner? Hello? Hello?’ She didn’t even notice when I left. I think she’s probably still standing there, gazing up at the escalator.

I asked my sister whether these were young girls. Perhaps if they were teenagers, they hadn’t gained enough experience to exercise proper thought. Vanessa responded,

“They both looked around thirty years old. If that first girl was a teenager, then that wrinkle cream ain’t working.”

Sometimes, when a stuper gets ready, aims and fires, they inadvertently hit the bull’s-eye. This was the case with the eye cream girl.

Vanessa pampers her skin and it shows. Without the use of a powerful magnifying glass or compound microscope, it’s tough to spot any wrinkles. Unfortunately, this stuper, in her zeal to sell her cream, broached a sensitive topic in an insensitive way, which did neither herself nor my sister any good. Stupers have an uncanny knack for getting too personal, too soon.  There are two ways to handle this:

1. Escape: get away from the stuper as soon as you can; or

2. Blast the stuper: by blast, I mean tell him/her to buzz off, using only carefully chosen words and being as brief as possible. Then remove yourself from his/her presence. Prolonged interaction with a stuper does neither party any good.

I suggest the first line of defense. It’s best to put stupidity behind you as soon as possible.

As for the second girl, it’s questionable whether she fell into the stuper category. Perhaps she awaited the arrival of someone important and was expecting him/her to appear on the escalator at any moment. However, I believe she leaned toward being a stuper. She was in the midst of a job; she owed it to her customers and her place of business to, at least, make an effort. Staring at an escalator does not equal effort. Subtlety is not a strongsuit of stupers.

Why not think?



4 Responses to “Ready, Aim, Fire Stupidity”

  1. Julianne says:

    These stupers can only be trumped by the stupers at the at the mall kiosks who assault you with lotion as you are walking past.

    Let’s face it, $24.95 for mascara is a racket anyway.

  2. M.C. says:

    What I can’t stand are the perfume sprayers in department stores. Sometimes they spray first, and ask permission after. That’s way out of line!

  3. jacqueline says:

    Oh… what joy these folks are to our self esteem. I figure that the truth is that they were not working on commission. It is my belief, and this could be wrong, that people working on commission work better, faster, are more caring…

    I don’t know why businesses don’t want to have profit sharing scenarios… don’t we all love making more money because we are working harder. This is why My Sparkly Girl loves Nordstrom’s. They are working on commission and they just pamper her. Sigh, a rich girl living in a simplicity driven household!

  4. Ginny says:

    Once I was just passing thru a cosmetics section of a store, wearing makeup and feeling like I looked good. Then some saleslady comes up to me and says, “Do you want a makeover?” I felt like saying, “Why? Do I look like I need one?” Suddenly I felt like I didn’t look as good as I thought.

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