A Case of Mistaken Stupidity?

“Lawyers are soulless, bloodsucking fiends,” I was recently told. “I pity anyone who has to deal with them.”

So began the light-hearted banter at a recent family and friends’ charitable event I attended.  This occurred after initial greetings of “Hi!” and “How are you?” were exhausted. Roughly seventeen seconds into the conversation. However, I was not offended. I nodded politely and turned my attention to the members of the Hell’s Angels group sitting at the next table. At this event, there were people I knew, sort of knew and some I’d never want to know.

In case you haven’t read my “About” section, I am a vampire. I haven’t actively practiced in many years, but still.  As such, I think if anyone should refer to attorneys as bloodsuckers, it should be me.

If you had a friend or relative that worked say, as a taxidermist, would you approach him/her and announce, “What kind of morbid freak sucks out the innards of poor innocent creatures, then stuffs and mounts them for pitiful display?”

Not unless a taxidermist had stuffed and mounted your little Fluffy after running the poor mite down.

“Have you ever had any legal dealings?” I asked, returning my attention to the conversation.

“No, but I may need your services soon.”

Okay, obviously not an encounter involving a stuper (conveniently shortened and combined to indicate an incorrigibly stupid person). Although his first remark was insensitive and inappropriate, his second statement indicated that he was really trying to say, “I need help from a lawyer I can trust.”

Once again, there are decent and indecent persons in all professions. The shark-filled legal field has more than its share of the latter. But clumping all into one category reeks of stereotyping which, you may recall, provides opinions for stupers who otherwise would be unable to formulate one.

In the above example, I believe the speaker merely tried to relate to what he believed was my probable ideology concerning attorneys. Thinking carefully before making his first statement would have enabled him to say what he meant in a more positive way like, “Most attorneys seem soulless. I know you’re not, so can you help me?”

It’s not a good idea to bulldoze over a person you’re attempting to engage in meaningful conversation. You may find yourself hanging from a hook on a door, dangling feet and all. It was a good thing he wasn’t sitting at the Hell’s Angels’ table. 

Even though this instance appeared to involve a stuper, I believe he just came across wrong. The next encounter was no mistake:

As I said my good-byes that evening, I ran into Beryl. I hadn’t seen her since my college days. Usually, if there is someone you’ve not seen in a great while, it’s with good cause. Way back, Beryl diplayed clear and present stupidity. Just when I thought I was going to escape with only minor cuts and scratches, I heard,

Her: “You only have two kids?” (She had five)

Me: “Yes.” (Duh! Sons were standing right next to me)

Her: “Only boys? Didn’t you want a little girl?” 

If there was a chalkboard nearby, I would gladly have run my carefully manicured fingernails slowly across from top to bottom. Can you imagine the loud echoing in a hollow head?

When you have no children, they ask when are you having one? When you have one child, they ask, when are you having two? When you have two, should kids happen to be the same sex, they ask, don’t you want what you don’t have?  Is it so difficult for stupers to comprehend that you can be happy with what you do have? 

I briefly pondered going over to the Hell’s Angels’ table and telling them Beryl thought (oops, there I go again. Sorry! Stupers don’t think!), I meant, Beryl wants to borrow your bandana to wipe her baby’s butt. Instead, I responded charmingly to Beryl,

“Two is the perfect number for me.”

When a stuper asks a highly personal question, the best response is brief, leaving no room for further entanglement with the lamebrain-at-large. Do not take it personally. Remember, they know not what they speak.

It’s likely that we will come in contact with the intellectually impoverished. Being around dolts could be hazardous to our health. It’s our choice. But really, I was grateful for Beryl’s obsolete wit. Without her, I wouldn’t be here talking to my brilliant readers. It’s important to maintain clear, calm thoughts during such encounters. That way nothing can disturb us.

Choose to think!



2 Responses to “A Case of Mistaken Stupidity?”

  1. dawn says:

    I’ve dealt with this question for 17 years now.
    “So you only have the one child?”
    You can feel the question just hanging in the air as though they are expecting me to justify or explain why I didn’t provide my child with siblings.
    I usually just answer “YES.” and offer nothing more. It’s more fun that way… watching their faces as they struggle to contain their nosiness.

  2. Suzie says:

    I have two beautiful daughters. Before I was married they (stupers) wanted to know when I am getting married.
    Then after the happy occasion, don’t you want any children?
    ONLY TWO GIRLS, how about a son also. I think most stupers are just plain bored.

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