Where Stupidity Grows Obese

Nowhere on earth is there displayed a greater amount of human stupidity vying for notice than on the roadways. Our highway system is tainted by stupers (yet again, short for unquestionably stupid persons).

I read that we utilize only about five percent of our brainpower. I did some research and discovered that stupers, on the road, utilize only .0000000000001% of such brainpower. A large part of the mind is in hibernation.

Example One:

A car enters the freeway. However, instead of carefully merging into the nearest lane when safe to do so, the driver performs a sideways maneuver, in a fairly flawless horizontal line, across three lanes and into the highly coveted fast lane. Undoubtedly, he does this with eyes closed, as he pays no heed whatsoever to other vehicles. I am very grateful that no one is adversely affected. Amused maybe. Possibly clenching their teeth in frustration. But thankfully, unharmed.

Once this new arrival reaches the speed-soaked fast lane, he proceeds to take up knitting. Of course, I have no way to prove this other than by observing that while other cars drive at speeds exceeding seventy-five mph, this self-proclaimed, misbegotten leader of an immediately disgruntled pack, slows to fifty-five mph. A long line of cars forms behind him. But does he notice? No, for that would require awareness and thought, both of which are blatantly missing.

Do you agree that the fast lane is for drivers in a hurry? And who choose to drive with quickness and alacrity? It’s also for those who may wish to do a quick pass and resume in the second lane. If you disagree, please do not read the next example.

Example Two:

I am in the second lane behind an SUV. All vehicles in surrounding lanes easily pass me. Why does the SUV insist on demonstrating his sluggardly skills?

When safe, I pass him on the left. As I do, I notice the car in front of the SUV: a pile of hastily taped together, discarded-automobile-parts has virtually dropped anchor, driving at a whopping speed of forty mph.  And he manages to maintain a perpetually blinking left turn signal. What a multi-tasking jokester! Meanwhile, the SUV locks lips on the junker’s fender.

After I pass, I notice an astonishing phenomenon: the clunker with the blinking light is serious. He moves into the fast lane, at forty mph….and just about parks his car.

Is the fast lane for cruisers? Is it for sightseers who want to ensure they miss no action on the opposing side? Is it for the injured, damaged or carelessly looked after cars? Should vehicles with dysfunctional engines sit in the fast lane to garner attention to their plight? NO! (I apologize if you were accosted by a sudden gust of wind emitting from my yell).

It is not possible for me to explain the mental workings (or lack thereof) of a stuper sitting unabashedly in the fast lane in the space provided here. Instead, I suggest that each one of us authentic, thinking beings, treat every such obstacle with the patience and perseverance of the caterpillar climbing the mountain. And if subjected to the abruptly amusing, yet disheartening displeasure of witnessing such a profoundly stupid spectacle, laugh. Then laugh again. It is truly hilarious. If necessary, use soothing language to calm any disturbances to your psyche or soul.

Thoughts rule the world.



7 Responses to “Where Stupidity Grows Obese”

  1. Julianne says:

    What’s the cure for an overdose of Disney Magic?

    A trip to Counterfeit Humans.

    Thanks for giving my cynicism a much needed boost!

  2. Brent says:

    I applaud your word coinage skills. I was attempting to honor you with a standing ovation, but I spilled salsa in my lap and so you will have to settle for the 3/4 “o.”

    My humble suggestion for the term to describe intelligence deficient humans is stupard. This word had many fine qualities to recommend it, but I’m feeling cheap today so I’m only going to give you one: It is a combination of the word stupid and a quaint collection of nouns that end in “ard” such as sluggard, laggard, and (much less mature and definitely not PC) retard.

    This is, of course, your blog and you don’t have to use this exciting new addition to the English lexicon, but if you act now, this highly original word can be yours absolutely free.

    P.S. Thanks for stopping by.

  3. Keli says:

    Thank you very much for being a loyal visitor!

  4. Keli says:

    Thank you for stopping by and for humbly offering me a new and exciting way to describe those who utilize monumental stupidity. I will act now so that I may indeed add this term for free.

  5. dawn says:

    I love it. I have to print this off for my husband… he has an hours commute every day and usually comes home with “idiot driver” stories.

  6. Great word pictures!
    Thanks for the laugh!

  7. Anna says:

    LOL! I love this. It’s so easy to laugh about these kinds of things the way you tell them. I’m going to have to work up to my ability to actually laugh when I see such things happening on a highway near me.

    I love your blog, so I’m passing the Blogging Star award on to you. Please come by and pick it up. You deserve some awards!

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