Stupidity – Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Today, I will address the questions most often asked by my 3.5 readers regarding stupidity:

Have you documented the number of stupers (short, once more, for indubitably stupid persons) walking the earth today?

  • Yes. Renowned stupidity expert, Walter B. Pitkin, author of A Short Introduction to the History of Human Stupidity (Simon & Schuster, 1932), estimated that 4 out of 5 people are stupers (that’s over four billion today). I am a little more optimistic; my studies revise that figure to 3.9 out of 5.

Do you have a degree in stupidity?

  • No. I have a bachelor’s degree in P.S. (Political Science) in which I discovered, I had no great interest or talent. I like to think that P.S. stands for Prodigious Stupidity, a major that really should be offered in larger universities or at least, in correspondence schools.

Have you ever been stupid?

  • Many times. But my recent slips thankfully affect no one but myself. For instance, I just visited the local college student store to buy books for my older son. I noticed students milling about, wearing lost and frustrated expressions, miserably unable to find what they searched for. I, genius that I am, immediately located what I needed and made my way to the cashier. As I climbed up two flights of stairs to buy the books, I thought of how brilliant I was.

“It’s wonderful to be smart!” I announced to no one in particular.I reached one arm over the opposite shoulder and proceeded to pat myself resoundingly on the back. As I patted away, I looked down at my very cute Jimmy Choo sandals; I picked up speed, taking two steps at a time; I suddenly felt exceptionally nimble and athletic. (Insert theme from Chariots of Fire here). Then…I fell flat on my face, onto the hard concrete stairs. What is the likelihood of falling up the stairs? 100% when acting like a stuper.Is stupidity hereditary?

  • No specific gene has been linked to stupidity. However, scientists are working ‘round the clock and believe a breakthrough is near. My research indicates that offspring are not born stupid. It depends on the amount of influence one or both stupid parents exert over the child vs. the child’s natural ability to self-cultivate awareness.

Is that really a picture of your hair in “Stupidity Wears Stripes?”

  • No. My braid was much longer.

Does stupidity hurt?

  • Yes and no. Yes as far as the victims are concerned, but no as far as the stuper goes. If only stupidity did hurt the perpetrator, fewer people would engage in it.

Is there medication for stupidity?

  • Not yet. I am experimenting daily with various drugs, using myself and a few carefully chosen subjects, as voluntary guinea pigs. We hope to have something on the open market soon. A small clinic in Boligrafo, Chile may be operational next spring.

Do you give private consultations?

  • I give private or public consultations, at no charge. My reward lies in obliterating stupidity, one stuper at a time.

Can someone who suffers from stupidity run for public office?

  • Yes. It’s quite common and perfectly acceptable.

Is the affliction of stupidity reversible?

  • Yes. All it takes is a little awareness and a bit of careful thought. It can happen. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Not so for a person who has never practiced either one. That’s why I have recently applied for a patent for my newly developed method of stupidity busting called, “Jolt the Dolt.” Meanwhile, thinking, capable, authentic humans must diligently exercise positive, vigilant thought; stupers might take to mimicking per the herd of sheep mentality. What one does, the rest must do also. There is always hope.

Keep thinking!


8 Responses to “Stupidity – Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)”

  1. Agnes Mildew says:

    I am very concerned, Keli. Your research shows that 3.9 out of 5 people are stupers. You have 3.5 readers. Damn…it confirms it. I AM a stuper! And yes, I have fallen up the stairs, too – at a bloody interview of all things…I didn’t get the job…no doubt it was the sight of my sagging ancient knickers on display that put the employer off…

  2. Keli says:

    No, Agnes, you are not a stuper. Keep in mind that every one of my readership, especially the ones who are capable of adding the numbers in the little box, are not part of the 3.9 of 5 people who are stupers. They fall in the 1.1. that can and do think. The person who did not give you the bloody job is the stuper and is included in the 3.9.

  3. dawn says:

    Let us know when your patent goes thru… I know a few in need of a cure!

  4. Julianne says:

    My Philosophy degree is probably about as useful as your Poli Sci degree. Debating free will vs. determinism has really taken me far in life.

  5. Mary says:

    As one one of your 3.5 readers, I was so relieved to see your clarification to Agnes. Phew! For a minute there I thought I was as stupid as my kids think I am.

  6. I don’t know, after the display I saw on the news today. A man on the street type interview. I am thinking 4.5 out of 5 might be more accurate. Be afraid, be very afraid.

  7. Hmmmm….. I was wondering if you consider that modern science/medicine has rendered Darwin’s Theory useless as so many people are still alive that probably shouldn’t be?

  8. Katie says:

    Keli, that was so funny. Where do you come up with this stuff. Sadly, I guess I fall under the stupor category of your readers, as the last time I left you a comment, it was short. That is because I left you a longer one before that, but could not add the 1 and 3. I sure hope I can figure this 4 and 4 stuff out and you get this comment. LOL


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