Friday Fantasy of Stupidity

I’m going to indulge in a bit of Friday fantasy. In my world, existing rules are as easily bendable as the tentacles on a squid. The Powers That Be are sympathetic toward those authentic humans who must take stupidity in their own hands. The imagination may be utilized to eradicate (or at least have a little fun with) the meager minded. It’s agreed that stupers (once again, short for substantially stupid persons) must be dealt with swiftly and effectively and with as little trauma as possible to the victim.

My Reality: In an office building, I entered a ladies room with two stalls. One is occupied. Before I could even possibly consider opening the door to the other I heard,

“Anything you say to me is completely confidential.”

I wondered what made this stranger think I needed to talk to her and what she expected me to say. I then heard noises that were only tolerable when escaping from the bottom of a baby. Your own baby, that is. She continued, “Look, be at the Courthouse tomorrow at nine for the deposition.”

Aha! Multitasking stuper on cell phone in public restroom stall in the middle of conducting business while attending to necessary bodily functions. Poor thing had mistaken the toilet for a porcelain Lazyboy recliner.

At this point, the speaker flushed the toilet; she raised her voice several octaves and decibels in case people on neighboring floors couldn’t hear her and explained, “If you do it right, you’re gonna be able to take him for everything he owns. You’re gonna be a rich woman!”

My Fantasy: I yelled, “Shut up!” I heard applause from other unfortunate members of her captive audience in the hallway and offices next door. Holding a hankie to my nose with one hand, I closed my eyes and yanked open her door with my other hand. I reached out and blindly ripped the cell phone from her ear, tossed it over the top of her stall and heard the resounding and highly satisfying splash into the neighboring toilette. More applause ensued. I left knowing that the hollow headed person would probably not use a cell phone in this manner again.

There you have it. My 3.5 readers are welcome to submit their own Friday Fantasy tales starring their very own personal stuper(s) who get justly rewarded in a fitting way.

Keep thinking!

Keli

Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

9 Responses to “Friday Fantasy of Stupidity”

  1. Reilly says:

    Why do people think they’re in a private phone booth when they’re on the cell phone? I would love to yank the phone away from an obnoxious cell phone user. Especially in the bathroom.

  2. M.C. says:

    I had a friend call me everytime she was sitting on the can. It was like if she had to go #1 or #2, she’d automatically dial my #! I asked her not to, but she wouldn’t stop. It was like a habit she couldn’t break. Yuk!

  3. Kathy says:

    I was once on the receiving “end” of a toilet conversation. I did not know it until I heard the toilet flush. Naturally, I asked “Are you in the bathroom right now?” To which she replied, “Oh, sorry. Did you hear that?”

    Um, yeah. I hear your voice, don’t I?

    People. They’re the worst.

  4. Oh how I wish you would have actually done it!
    Why do people suddenly think they have to speak 10 octaves louder when on a cell phone? And I firmly believe that the multi-tasking line should be drawn at the bathroom door. Yuck!

  5. Keli says:

    Reilly:
    Maybe there should be a day set aside for yanking cell phones away from those using it offensively.
    M.C.:
    So she associated calling you with sitting on the toilet? I hope she’s not still your friend!
    Kathy:
    I really wonder about people who think everyone else is stupid. I may be conducting a study on that one soon.
    New Diva:
    Me too – I wish I’d actually done it. But this was the next best thing!

  6. Elaine says:

    This entire cell phone use and mentality is out of control in my opinion. Now it invades the bathroom. I DO NOT want to talk to someone while they are sitting on the john!

    My husband flies a lot in his job. You know how it is when you get off the plane, hit the first bathroom once you de-plane. He says business men are lined up at the urinal, one hand on the cell phone and the other…well you get the picture.

  7. mikster says:

    Jesus wept! A public restroom is the last place I want to hear a voice emanating from a bathroom stall. Nor would I have wanted to be the person on the other end of the phone. Some people are exceptionally stupid.

  8. Keli says:

    Elaine:
    You’re right – it is out of control. I’m afraid I’ve got the picture of those businessmen stuck in my mind now! Yikes!
    Mikster:
    Exceptionally stupid, it is (I don’t know why I suddenly turned into Yoda to make that statment).

  9. Mary says:

    When I first heard someone talking on the phone in the stall, I was so grossed out. I secretly wished they would drop their cell in the toilet because it was so annoying to hear “both” bits of business going on.

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