Friday Fantasy and Stupidity Bonus

Once again, I’m going to indulge in a little reality mixed with fantasy regarding one of my latest encounters with stupidity:

Reality:

I’m driving straight on a narrow highway, both hands lightly gripping the steering wheel, eyes riveted on the road, good citizen that I am. There are two cars in front of me, and behind me….wide open space.

The speed limit is fifty-five mph; I drive somewhere around sixty. I watchfully maintain a safe distance from the car in front of me. The sky is blue. Birds are twittering. The fields are sprouting new green growth. How lovely! I sigh a deep sigh of tranquility.

Just ahead and to my right, I spot a pick-up truck, sliding to a stop from a side road. When I am almost close enough to make out the color of the driver’s eyes, he sharply turns, directly in front of me, forcing me to slam on my brakes.

Take note again, dear readers, that behind me, the lane was clear all the way to the next county. Maybe even to the next state. All the stuper (short for a phenomenally stupid person) had to do was wait three whole seconds for me to pass. Instead, he cut me off and took nearly four minutes to bring his car to to a whopping thirty-five mph.

The moronic motorist was neither an elderly person nor a teenager. I suppose that when one views the world through a straw, as stupers do, cutting another person off comes quite naturally.

Fantasy:

Besides being a wife, mom, chauffeur, cook, laundress, gardener, punching bag for testy teens and sewing challenged seamstress, I’d like to add sharpshooter to my domestic repertoire. Then I would have taken careful aim at the pick-up truck. Not because I am eager for a little blood and guts; I just want to shoot out a couple of back tires. You know, as a token reminder to mentally deprived drivers to practice a little awareness and courtesy next time. Either that, or I’d like to be an active member of the Highway Patrol; just for one day.

As a bonus, I’d like to share a stupidity alert, thoughtfully sent to me by New Diva on the Blog :

This appeared on Rantings of a Creole Princess:

A company supervisor called Walmart and ordered a cake for a going away party. Here’s what he told the Walmart employee to put on the cake, “Write ‘Best Wishes Suzanne.’ Underneath that, ‘We will miss you.'”

Unbeknownst to the supervisor, he had placed his order with a stuper. Here’s what he got:

Isn’t it freaky the way some brains work (or don’t work)? If I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it possible.

Keep thinking!
Keli

Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

9 Responses to “Friday Fantasy and Stupidity Bonus”

  1. Sarah says:

    That cake is scary!
    I would love to be on the highway patrol for one day!
    Very funny!

  2. Suzie says:

    I love this. I laughed so much. Thank you very much.

  3. Starlily says:

    LOL Keli!! Unbelievable…

    ‘The road’ is definitely where stupers show their true colors on a regular basis…

  4. mikster says:

    What a lovely cake… or something. Hard to believe someone didn’t catch that one before delivery/pickup. But maybe not… lol.

  5. Anna says:

    There are so many times I wish there was something I could do about that exact same situation. Even if you had been able to shoot out a couple of back tires, the poor stuper would have had no clue why you did that.

  6. Mary says:

    Oh that cake is so funny – I laughed out loud. Had to show my husband! At least it is all spelled correctly. OMG.

  7. jeremy says:

    Oh how I’d love to slam my tiny little honda into the sides of those jerks. Alas, it would do more damage to me than to them. That’s one quality the stupers have over me, and that is a hard shell.

  8. andrew says:

    No doubt they were some country bumpkins -silly people can’t think for themselves past their nose-wow the cake thing was a little suspicious-do you figure someone didn’t do that on purpose to be dumb on purpose-lol!
    That was great!

  9. Julianne says:

    Stories of stupers on the road could sustain a blog until the end of time. They are so many and varied.

    That cake is classic. I once ordered a cake for my (sadly former) sister-in-law from Wally World. Her name is Jyothi and it is pronounced, “Jody.” Try explaining that one to the staff at the Wal-Mart bakery. As you can imagine, the story doesn’t end well.

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