Stupidity: Field Notes

From my field notes – a small sampling of garden variety stupidity committed by stupers (short once again, for unabashedly stupid persons).

I donned a khaki colored blouse and pants (or trousers for my deeply appreciated UK readers), tucked my shoulder-length hair beneath a bucket hat of similar hue, perched myself atop a telephone pole (not really, but I would have, had I been able to shimmy up to the first rung or remembered to bring along a ladder) and pulled out my field binoculars. All of this took place behind an oversize newspaper with two small circular cutouts for eye holes.

Observed during one short course of study:

– Vehicles drove along a busy street without incident. One lane was available for each direction of traffic. Cars were parked alongside each lane. After eight minutes, sudden activity was viewed from a late model Ford parked on one side. The driver’s door had swung wide open and haphazardly rested a quarter of the way directly into a lane of traffic causing a bicyclist to swerve and nearly lose control. The cyclist successfully retook his place, then gestured obscenely with one hand in the driver’s direction without ever looking back.

An intellectually crippled driver sat in said Ford regarding a map, while his hands intermittently ripped a paper napkin into tiny pieces. A strong likelihood existed that this stuper was fretting over the possible meaning of the little squiggly lines running together on the map. Logic dictates that said driver would hear the whiz of cars driving by and close door; however, the stuper appeared unconstrained by logic.

Conclusion: Stupers do not comprehend the true meaning of their experiences.

People witnessing this occurrence expressed divided emotions about the open door.

“Such pristine idiocy makes me feel sad.” “So the guy likes to sit with his door wide open. Maybe his windows don’t work.” “He’s got slush for brains.” “What’s wrong with that?”

The brains of stupers are shrinking as rapidly as the major world glaciers, as noted by many a scientific study. Is global warming contributing to shrinkage of the human brain also? No. Is something other than non-use, mis-use, or infrequent use causing mind shrinkage? No.

I walked up to the stuper and asked him politely to close his door. He looked like a man without the sense to wear shoes in a snowstorm. Although he appeared stunned at my request, he said something multisyllabic and complied. I had explained to him that I’d heard of bulldozers driving that very road, unhinging many a wide open car door.

The only way to get a stuper to comply is to grab his fleeting attention and make him think you’re doing him a favor.

Think first, last and always!


3 Responses to “Stupidity: Field Notes”

  1. Sarah says:

    It always surprises me to see people sitting in the car with the car doors open totally into traffic. These stupers are completely unconcerned! I wish a bulldozer would come by and rip it off!

  2. Starlily says:

    That was kind of you to forewarn him! Being self-centered is also being small-minded–you’re much better off being aware of what’s going on around you!!!

  3. Suzie says:

    It amazes me to see the way people behave. I think they should teach every body at school “how to behave in public”.
    I love your blog, please keep it going.

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