Stupidity in an Emergency

When you’re driving along and hear the warning siren of an approaching ambulance or emergency vehicle, this means a specific course of action must be taken. Cars should pull over and out of the way, safely. Unfortunately, sometimes this simple feat may prove overwhelming for a certain type of person. This means an unappealing possibility may be about to unfold: A stuper (short again for an unproductively stupid person) may be at large and about to make his/her presence known.

When I hear the blare of the siren, I move off to the side. My side, that is. Cars around me usually do the same, respectively. It’s heartwarming to see each driver, voluntarily and with different degrees of finesse, part the flow of traffic to allow emergency aid through.

However, once in a while, there’s that one unaware, empty headed motorist that continues right on moving until he’s practically shoved out of the way. Or there’s that other idiot driver who performs a different, though equally appalling act of singular stupidity. This latter motorist is often right behind me or a few cars back; he believes (mistakenly, of course) that he’s devised a brilliant plan to get ahead. If not in life, at least in traffic.

Once the emergency vehicle is gone, courtesy dictates that each car retake its original spot as before. However, opportunistic stupers perceive the sequence of events differently. They see it as a time to get ahead. Before the back lights of the ambulance are within his sight, the stuper decides to overtake all the suckers waiting patiently on the side in front of him, thereby moving up to the head of the pack. This means that conscientious drivers who are attempting to merge back in, must suddenly swerve to the side to avoid the stuper who has practically locked lips with the ambulance’s rear bumper.

Not anymore.

I suggest investing in a smoke grenade (retailing for around $11.95) that emits a thirty second miniature cumulus type cloud making it a handy companion for putting a halt to this type of vehicular stupidity. It comes in five appealing shades: white, red, yellow, green or blue. All an alert driver needs to do is keep watch on the vehicles behind him. Should said driver spot an overeager stuper, he may toss the smoke grenade out his window. And poof! The stuper’s misdirected ambition comes to an abrupt halt.

Just think!


5 Responses to “Stupidity in an Emergency”

  1. Sarah says:

    This is absolute genius! I love the idea of a little cumulus cloud defending us against stupidity! I’m going to my nearest army surplus store.

  2. Agnes Mildew says:

    An excellent idea, Keli. Indeed, I would just have a smoke alert like that going off constantly. I get behind every stuper in Cheshire, apparently, whilst driving. They are always either in a Nissan Micra or a huge 4WD. Either way, they make me so cross I feel I am about to explode. No wonder my shoulders are so knotted these days. I think I may trade my car in for a horse instead, and get my own back.

  3. In Florida, 9 times out of 10, no one moves over. (I’ve experienced this in almost every Florida city I’ve been in besides Orlando.) And, half the time, when I stop behind someone turning, turn, or stop at a red light, people swerve into the dirt or the curb to go around me, because they can’t wait that extra 20 seconds.

  4. Debra says:

    My son use to drive both an ambulance and a firetruck. He has horror stories of stupers driving thru the middle of an accident scene screaming at the workers to move the cars to the side of the road before trying to get the victims out of the cars.

  5. mikster says:

    It’s a shame advances in modern medicine/science have rendered Darwin’s Theory useless. These people now survive their idiocy.

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