Stupidity Makes My Day

I tip my hat to all who believe everything they see and hear. Thanks to them, I enjoyed a stuper (short for an assiduously stupid person) free day on Saturday.

When it rains in Southern California, the majority of people (and practically, every single stuper) stay indoors or, if stuck outside, frantically hunt out a dry spot, where they remain glued till blue is restored to the sky. This works out beautifully for all involved because stupidity + rain can = disaster. I’m afraid I’ve witnessed stupers discard what little caution they wielded to speed up on puddle strewn highways during storms; I’ve been the victim of carelessly brandished umbrellas with metal dagger-like points hovering at eye level on sidewalks. Rain befuddles and brings out the worst in them.

On Friday, we had one full, incessant day of pouring rain which was enough for most Southern Californians to start drawing plans for the Ark. A 100% chance of rain was predicted for Saturday. Meanwhile, I plotted to make my pilgrimage to the semi-annual Blue Bee Boutique sale, an extravaganza bargain event that takes place in a neighboring city. Every piece of trendy, super-hip clothing is marked at a 50-70% discount. Blue Bee Luxury - a new storeThis cottage size store draws hundreds of the sale-hungry along with the fire department who nobly attempts to tame the smitten and spellbound. These sale-seekers patiently wait in a queue normally reserved for a first-come, first-serve U-2 type concert.

Saturday came and though storm clouds filled the sky, rain was absent. As I approached the store, I anticipated the crowd. However, the sidewalk was empty. Not a sale fanatic in sight.

My heart beat a little faster when I realized there was no line. Then I noticed there were only eight customers in the entire store and all six dressing rooms were empty! The racks were bathed in a rosy hue and a heavenly choir began to sing. Could it be true?

I asked the nearest salesperson to pinch me.

“People keep calling and asking if it’s raining. I tell them no, but they still don’t show,” he helpfully explained.

I bought three super-chic items for under $100; my receipt told me that I’d saved almost two hundred dollars! I felt safe and warm and happy, roaming the two foot-wide aisles lined with carefully folded “Made in the USA” jeans and t-shirts. No stupers to fend-off or play tug-of-war with over the last cashmere sweater. A sales person actually found my sizes for me, unheard of during their typical, sunny, bring in the crowd sale day. All because the rain kept the stupers away.

Think!

Keli

Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

8 Responses to “Stupidity Makes My Day”

  1. Sarah says:

    I sure wish something would keep the stupers away when stores near me had super sales! Maybe I should plant something in the paper. Assuming stupers read.

  2. Maribeth says:

    This post was very funny. I guess the people out in California react similiar to the residents of Pa when they hear it is going to snow. Snow in the forecast =’s no milk and eggs on the shelf. 🙂
    Thanks for commenting on my blog.
    Maribeth

  3. I’m glad your rainy day worked out for you. In FL, when it rains, people decide it’s time to get in their cars and drive to the first retail/rental outlet they find, whether it be a superstore, a video store, or a clothing store.

    Saturday, I was dealing with the stupers where I work. They had to pull internet orders for textbooks and had no problem pulling an order with hundreds of dollars worth of mistakes in the box. The best was an oceanography book that was in a box that was supposed to contain three chemistry books and a math book. (About a $400 mistake.) When I found the chemistry book box, the main chemistry book wasn’t right, and they’d pulled a lab book for a different course section. Sometimes, I think the five or six processors could get more work done if we disposed of the shelf pullers, got someone to answer the phones for us, and spend four hours pulling then four hours processing.

    There was also a girl upstairs handing out books who called us ever few minutes to check for boxes of books that were on a cart in the hall behind her.

    And, my managers aren’t immune, either. Yesterday (the first days of classes for the bookstore) one guy was working by himself for hours, trying to answer phones, process orders, and ring up books at the cash register in the processing room. The, me and two other girls were scheduled, and the three of us only managed to process about twenty orders when we usually would have been able to process around 100 in the same time. We processed 250 boxes on an extended day (plus, we had an extra day on the schedule) when we usually would have processed around 600 in eight hours.

    I love your blog. It allows me to rant about my problems.

  4. crowdless shopping! i hate any form of shopping but could probably cope with that. wonderful!

    p.s. you’ve been tagged!

  5. Agnes Mildew says:

    No wonder the UK is full of idiots – all it ever does here is pour down with rain! Yesterday, the Travel News got slightly excited because it had started sleeting across various parts of the country and the motorways had ground to a halt. I sit here, marvelling, I really do. Why can’t the UK be free from PC stupers and sort our national road networks out? As a result of last night’s news, Mr P decided not to traverse the length of the country and, instead, set off at 5am this morning…It was still chucking it down with hail and sleet…but at least it was getting lighter…

  6. I am super jealous! I need a hip store near me, and I need a sale. Congrats on your beautiful cloudy day!

  7. Julianne says:

    I can’t imagine how blissful this must have been. Congrats on your stuper free bargains!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.