The Day I was Nearly Squished by Stupidity

Driving, for most of us, means staying in the lane of our choice and leaving it with proper notice ( I casually refer here to those with Turn Signal Deficit Disorder). We do not drift out of the chosen lane with wild abandon, unless there’s an emergency. Or, unless you’re a stuper (short for an unerringly stupid person). For stupers attempting to navigate roadways, staying in the chosen lane is optional; drifting is perfectly acceptable and adds variety to an otherwise tedious task. And please take note: when the mind is perpetually adrift, how can focused concentration on driving possibly take place?

Alas, this can be exceptionally unpleasant and even hazardous if the stuper strays into a bike lane, jogging path or strip of grass reserved for those seeking serenity and quietude in the form of an afternoon stroll.

Stupers do not perceive things in the same way as you and I might. To demonstrate, please take a look at the photo below:

If I’m not mistaken, you, dear readers, see asphalt, representing a roadway, for use by motorized vehicles and bicycles. You notice the shadows, the brilliant blue sky. And you see grass, which is reserved for wildlife, vegetation and walkers/joggers who wish to stay out of the way of motorists. The grass may be viewed as a sanctuary of sorts. Stupers do not see asphalt and grass. Forget the sign. They only see one thing: a wide roadway.

I stick to the road/grass border when I’m out for a stroll. And I go in the direction opposite the traffic so I may see oncoming cars, as I tend to err on the cautious side. Should an automobile approach, I quickly shift onto the grass. Unfortunately, this does not guarantee my safety.

A few days ago, a large car chugged along toward me; I made an abrupt sidestep. But so did the carefree motorist who veered off course like a drunken sea captain feebly trying to grasp the slippery ship’s wheel while being thrashed about during a severe storm. I dove into the space between the decorative plum trees and the white fence. Meanwhile, the stuper drove as closely to the tree row as possible, before finally returning to the road.

After I got up, brushed the grass and leaves out of my hair and spit the dirt out of my mouth, I attempted to assess the situation. I could have been squashed! What if I’d been a trusting, absent-minded pedestrian?

I underscore and highlight the importance of staying alert. Remember, stupers suffer from a hindering lack of awareness. Their minds wander…perpetually. Should you find your mind meandering when awareness is required, gently coax it back. Or stupidity might catch you…unawares.

Think first, last and always!

4 Responses to “The Day I was Nearly Squished by Stupidity”

  1. A lucky escape!

    In Britain there is a backlash against the number of ridiculous signs that credit people with no intelligence. Signs like ‘don’t sleep in the road’ are almost here.

    In fact London Underground drivers have taken to going over the top in the face of stupid instructions from their bosses. For example, on a Friday one driver was reported over the speaker system saying something like: ‘It’s Friday. Get off the train. Walk up the stairs. Go home. Kiss your husband/wife. Sit down and relax’.

    The sooner this litigious state ends and we can return to common sensical living the better! Then at least we can more easily spot the stupid people as they will be standing around not knowing what to do!

  2. Reilly says:

    This has happened to me! I am on a walk and the car drives as close as possible to me. If I wasn’t in complete shock, I’d give the stuper a swift kick!

  3. Lon says:

    The beginning of your post sounds like my most recent experience in Beirut this summer, where drivers just drive spatially, ie go where they like and don’t even see the lines or lanes. I spent my late 20’s as Highway Patrol Officer in California always waiting for some idiot to drive up my backside…so not paying attention drives me crazy… so here is to putting rubber bumpers on the shoulders like the kiddy bowling lanes and making cell talking hands free (the main reason besides being drunk for swerving.) Stay safe and watch you back.

    I just started blogging my travels in the Middle East so am following links from other blogs to funny posts like yours.

  4. Stephen says:

    You are too generous in crediting your offending motorist with stupidity. That was malice. They were indulging in the favorite game, “Make the Bith/Cunt Jump”. Please excuse the language but that is how those motorists think of pedestrians

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