When Stupidity Blocks the Way

Say you’re driving along the open highway at or around the speed limit of fifty-five miles per hour. There’s a single lane for each direction buffered by broad, flat shoulders reminiscent of the jolly green giant. They are so broad that one could park one’s car, set up picnic tables and host a barbecue with plenty of room to spare for a marching band.

Why then would a minivan stop in its tracks, on said highway, blocking all motorists behind it? What’s that you say? Because the engine broke down? Close, but you don’t get the prize. The correct answer is that something did break down all right; but not the engine. It was the dilapidated, non-functional mind of a stuper (once more, short for a taxingly stupid person).

This scenario was activated by the appearance of a small canine. A Chihuahua, to be exact. Not on the highway. Not on the spacecraft size shoulder. But off to the side of the ample shoulder. This pooch wasn’t even facing the road, but was trotting off in the opposite direction toward a trailer park.

My sixteen-year-old sat behind the wheel of our car with me riding in the passenger seat. Naturally, I shift to red alert when with my teen driver, all radars up and running. I even have my own make-believe brake beneath my right foot while my left hand clutches the dash.

The minivan abruptly halted in front of us. Yes, the shoulder was free for the taking, and the oblivious dog was a good fifty feet away.

Remember that stupidity does not perceive a situation the same way we do. My son and I saw a dog that may have needed some assistance. After all, it was off the leash and near a highway. We would have pulled over to the shoulder, safely. And then taken the animal in our protective custody before attempting to find the irresponsible owner.

The stuper saw no shoulder or approaching traffic behind her. She viewed, off to the side, a lone, albeit happily trotting critter and decided rescue was in order. Other motorists be damned! What was more important – potentially saving a small creature who might or might not turn toward the highway or leaving your vehicle in a spot where the possibility of being hit ranks right up there with the possibility that Cleopatra ruled Egypt in 51 BC?

The stuper parked her van on the highway. My son passed her on the left when safe to do so in an open turn lane and resumed driving home. Another option would have been to honk. Really lay on that horn till the stuper took notice. But our priority lay in moving out of the path of danger.

When I find a moth fluttering in my home or a wandering pill bug, I take a small notecard, gently place the creature atop and move it outdoors. So please do not think for a moment that I do not value life forms. That is, non-threatening or thinking forms. But stupers are neither.

Those who place animal life above the safety of humans, in effect, devalue human life. Does saving the life of a Chihuahua justify placing human life in jeopardy? Who would you throw off the lifeboat if you had to choose in order to stay afloat, the chihuahua or the counterfeit human? We’ll save that discussion for another time.

The simple fact was, the meager minded driver could have safely and readily pulled over to the amply sized shoulder, and then pursued her heroic notions. As it was, she placed other drivers in harm’s way. Should you find yourself in a similar situation, safely remove yourself from the scene. And then, and only then, if you can be of assistance, please do so.

Think for yourself.


5 Responses to “When Stupidity Blocks the Way”

  1. Sarah says:

    I smell a PETA member. You’re right. The best way to get around stupidity is to get away from it as fast as you can.

  2. Blork says:

    I can’t decide if your blog makes me feel better or worse. On the one hand, it’s cathartic to write about stupers, but on the other hand, when I read other people’s accounts the stupidity involved makes my blood boil.

    Still, I hope that all this open talk of stupidity will perhaps help some people learn how to think.

    Your story reminds me of a less dangerous by equally stupid thing I witnessed recently. There’s a huge bridge in Montreal crossing the St. Lawrence river, called the Jacques Cartier Bridge. I was crossing that one day last summer and the traffic was moving really slow, which was unusual as it wasn’t rush hour.

    When I got to the last quarter of the bridge, which is all downhill (and fairly steep), I saw that a motorcycle was parked in the middle of three lanes going in that direction. Apparently it had broken down, as it was in the middle of being loaded onto a tow truck. IN THE MIDDLE LANE.

    Um… If you’re on a motorcycle, going DOWNHILL when the motor quits, can’t you ^$#&% well COAST either to the bottom of the hill or at least into the right-most lane?

    But no. This guy just stops the bike in the middle lane and waits for the tow truck, causing a bottleneck that backed up traffic for several kilometers.


  3. Keli says:

    Yes, escaping from stupidity should always be a priority.
    I hope it makes you feel better. I believe a sane discussion helps to relieve annoyance and promote clear thinking. And as you say, hopefully wake up counterfeit humans and remind them to think. I like your motorcycle in the middle lane story – prime example of an inert mind.

  4. Unbelievable, and yet sadly believable all at the same time. Btw I am so jealous that you actually have a book manuscript that close to completion I am have a little trouble liking you right now. 😉

  5. Starlily says:

    I also relocate wandering moths and spiders 😉

    Stupers on the highway are scary. I’d like to add drivers who slow down or stop to look at cars in the ditch or accidents that are already being taken care of to the list of stupers…

    I’m looking forward to your book too…

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