Winners Stave Off Stupidity

Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned about managing stupidity have been while out on the golf course. Lessons on how not to behave like a stuper (short once again, for an unsparingly stupid person). And I don’t even play golf. Thanks to child #2 (in birth order), I’ve spent many hours watching the game and its notables.

Yesterday was spent in Los Angeles, with my teen, observing the world’s greats play at the LA open. Even when these stellar athletes make stupid mistakes, they handle themselves winningly.

The #4 player in the world, Australia’s Adam Scott, hit a ball into the lake. How would the average stuper have reacted to such a displeasing, distorted performance? Probably by laying down in the grass, kicking and screaming bloody murder, and thereby throwing a certifiable tantrum. Or perhaps by hurling a club into the gallery while yelling expletives. Or possibly by breaking a club over the head of his caddie. Adam Scott, however, displayed no such menial reaction. He demonstrated coolness of mind and incredible self-restraint. Remaining calm enabled him to make a remarkable putt on the green.

Great Britain’s Luke Donald hit a tepid chip shot that fell woefully short of the target. Disgraceful for a world class player. His second shot was equally depressing. Yet Luke reacted with pleasant humor and kindness and spoke to his caddie with the utmost courtesy. He went on to shoot a phenomenal round of golf.

How would America’s stupidity specialist, Keli Garson, have reacted while waiting on the tee box in front of a stuper who insisted on spitting out his sunflower seed shells over her shoulder, converting his mouth into a veritable cannon, complete with sound effects, if she’d been a meager mind herself? Slugged the idiot, then taped his mouth shut with a handy roll of duct tape? No, no, no. That would be too much even for the most hollow of heads. As it was, I turned and gave him Look #1. This consists of a kindly stare, (think Mona Lisa), indicating great tolerance and just a touch of exasperation. I usually get successful results with this gaze. And the spitting stuper was no exception, for he quickly apologized and halted his seed assault immediately.

Had Look #1 been fruitless, I would have utilized Look #2, a stern, reproachful gaze; one that subtly promises at least a pinch of action if the stupid activity is not stopped.

Keeping one’s mind in the proper place and state is indispensable to one’s happiness and well being. Losing one’s mind by reacting poorly to a person or situation is a guarantee of distress. Remember: our reactions define our character.

Think.

Keli

Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

9 Responses to “Winners Stave Off Stupidity”

  1. Sarah says:

    Spitting sunflower seeds over your shoulder? I think you should have slugged him! I find myself using look #2 quite a bit with stupers.

  2. Dan says:

    Keli,
    I have to hand it to you. You have a way with words that just makes my day.

    Gems like “winningly” and passages like : “..How would America’s stupidity specialist, Keli Garson, have reacted while waiting on the tee box in front of a stuper who insisted on spitting out his sunflower seed shells over her shoulder, converting his mouth into a veritable cannon, complete with sound effects, if she’d been a meager mind herself? Slugged the idiot, then taped his mouth shut with a handy roll of duct tape?”

    Who needs a doctor when I all have to do is to read your posts. Best.

  3. Paulyn says:

    OMG, Keli you are amazing! I’m not sure I would have handled that situation the same way you did, if I were in your shoes!

  4. Julianne says:

    I want to learn Looks #1 & #2 so that I can avoid my gut reaction which would have involved slugging and duct tape. Yep, I’m a stuper.

  5. Maribeth says:

    I have a few of those looks tucked up my sleeve as well.
    I think mine might be a bit more extreme like that of a predator hiding behind a bush waiting to pounce its’ prey. Okay, I have to be really upset to use that look, but it’s there.

  6. Keli says:

    Sarah:

    I could hardly believe the spitting episode was happening myself. Believe me, it took every ounce of self-control I had not to slug him.

    Dan:

    Thank you very much for your kind words. I’m glad I could entertain you.

  7. Keli says:

    Paulyn:
    It wasn’t easy.
    Julianne:
    I know for a fact you are no stuper. Believe me, I can spot them a mile away. The reason I’ve mastered the Looks is to curb my gut reactions.
    Maribeth:
    I like your predator look. Perhaps that could be look #3?

  8. Jillian says:

    Ewww… spitting sunflower seed shells over your shoulder? Gross.

    The last baseball game we went to, these kids sitting behind were doing that and the shells were landing on my jersey and I’m sure a few stuck in my hair. I think I gave both look #1 and #2, but that didn’t stop them. What do you do? Just yell at them? They’re kids. Calmly let their parents know? That’s just a bit too confrontational for my taste.

    So I sat through the rest of the game steaming. I really wish I had said or done something though.

  9. Keli says:

    Jillian:
    No one should steam over stupers. If you’re unable to say or do something, then you must take it upon yourself to stay calm over the situation. Talk yourself into not letting stupidity bother you. It’s never worth it.
    The spitting shells were gross, by the way.

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