Stupidity Stands Too Close for Comfort and Sometimes Wears a Safari Hat for No Apparent Reason

I’m afraid I must revisit the topic of stupidity and the violation of personal space. The world appears to be littered with stupers (short, yet again, for inherently stupid persons) who have no qualms about intruding into the private zone of others. Since they have no concept of personal space, these meager minds excel at being personae non gratae – unwelcome visitors.

My husband, who’s always on the lookout for tales of the idiotic for me, spied a stuper in the parking lot of a deli. I asked Husband how he knew the fellow fell in the inane category.

“The chin strap gave him away,” he replied. “He was dressed in a safari outfit, and his hat had a strap under the chin. The only items missing were his elephant rifle and binoculars. He was obviously an oddball.”

Keep in mind that this took place in a nearby beach town where the closest thing to big game is the bushy-tailed tree squirrel.

Husband said he forgot about the oddity until he waited in line with our son to pay for lunch. As Son and Husband stood chatting, the safari guy suddenly appeared directly next to them, instead of behind, as the others did who were waiting in line. Then the chap opened a newspaper and positioned himself practically between them while he read. Husband claimed one side of the paper rested on his shoulder. As he and Son talked, the stuper stopped reading, lowered his paper and looked at them as if ready to join in. Husband said,

“He stood so close, I wasn’t sure whether he needed to be hugged or slugged. I was certain he was going to join in our conversation any moment. In fact, for a few minutes there, I thought he was part of the conversation; he was that close. What should I have done?”

There are stupers who unconsciously yearn for physical closeness… from anyone who crosses their path. Short of bending backwards at the waist, one must back away from those who get within necking distance until a respectable space is established. For most people, that’s about two to three feet. For others, five or ten feet may be comfortable. Sometimes, a prolonged look of disapproval may give the stuper a hint, if he’s not too thick in the head.

Think for yourself.

Keli
Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

7 Responses to “Stupidity Stands Too Close for Comfort and Sometimes Wears a Safari Hat for No Apparent Reason”

  1. M.C. says:

    I really, really don’t like people who stand to close to me in line or when they talk to me. I feel like placing a safety net between us. I want my space!

  2. Maribeth says:

    I have always thought I would like to get inside the head of people like this and see exactly what they are thinking.
    Then a part of me gets sad for them because I feel like they are lacking meaningful relationships in their real life.
    But then again, they could just seriously be troubled.

  3. Mary says:

    Ugh! And they never seem to get it when you keep backing away and away. They just keep on moving in! Worst of all are those with bad breath – double whammy.

  4. Starlily says:

    This post reminded me of the Seinfeld episode of the ‘close talker’…

    Kiddies have an arms length personal space policy. Occasionally I need to remind them…

    I love the way you write! The safari hat image says it all…;)

  5. Jillian says:

    LOL. Yeah, people who stand too close to you are NOT cool. I’m always amazed because I think they have to know what they are doing! How could they not!

    Sometimes if they are too close, I’ll just go ahead and start talking to them, that’s my attempt at making them feel uncomfortable!

    And LOL @ “close talker”. I love Seinfeld and love that episode.

  6. Julianne says:

    I am reminded of the Sidler on Seinfeld.

  7. Jennifer says:

    *sigh* I wish Johnny Depp would get within necking distance of me … yes Kel, I am up in the middle of the stinkin’ night because I stupidly drank two cups of strong coffee at … oh, it must have been 8:30 … what was I thinking? I dunno … but I’m bouncing off the walls, your archived blogs my sole diversion. Well, there’s this here diet (caffeine free … yeah I know … close the barn door after the horse has done got out) pepsi …

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