Stupidity in Numbers or Trying to Purchase a Roast from a Stuper

February 27, 2008 by Keli.

The world is full of wits, half-wits and dimwits. I came across yet another esteemed member of the latter category yesterday when I paid a visit to the Butcher. Alas, this writer found herself standing in front of a counter manned by a profoundly stupid person (stuper, for short).

My mission was to purchase two, two and one-half (2 1/2) pound roasts. Do any of my dear readers not understand this last statement? For the Butcher most certainly did not. The following is a verbatim transcript of our conversation:

Me: I would like two, two and one-half pound chuck roasts, please. Do you have any?

Butcher: We have a lot in the back. I’ll go and get them. Two, two and one-half pound roasts, right?

Me: Yes, please.

(Butcher left and returned promptly with the goods).

Butcher: Two, three and one-half pound roasts here for you.

Me: No. Two, two and one-half pounders is what I requested.

Butcher: Three and one-half?

Me: No, two and one-half.

Butcher: Three and one-half?

Me: Two and one-half.

(Butcher suddenly pulled himself up, rearing up in his baggy, white, slightly blood-stained pants and waved his hands, one of which held a cleaver).

Butcher: THREE AND ONE-HALF?

(I counter gestured, firmly holding up two fingers).

Me: Two and one-half.

And so we played verbal ping-pong and reached a stalemate while providing a ludicrous sideshow for spectator-shoppers.

I did not want to squander any more time or energy on what had become a vexing, time-consuming attempt to buy two roasts, yet I wanted what I’d come for. It was the last day of the chuck roast sale.

I steadfastly remained indifferent to his insistent cries of “Three and one-half!” A simple request had spiraled into a bizarre battle of the wills.

Finally, the exhausted Butcher disappeared into the back once more and soon returned, holding one roast.

Butcher: This is two and three-quarters. Is that okay?

He was offering me a compromise of sorts. A peace offering. I nodded my agreement.

Butcher: Only one?

I glanced at the cleaver sitting on the worktable behind him.

Me: Yes, thank you.

I’m certain there are those of you who may think that the above tale was possibly imagined or even exaggerated by me, but you must believe me when I say it is the truth. This was not a farce. I was hoping I’d have some evidence to offer you, but we ate it for dinner last night.

Take time to think.

Keli
Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

There are more fools in the world than there are people. ~ Heinrich Heine

Posted in Plain Old Fashioned Stupidity | 9 Comments »