How to Avoid Resembling the Epitome of Stupidity (Or How Not to Act Like a Stuper)

In order to avoid acting like a stuper (yes, short again, for a decidedly stupid person), I’ve developed guidelines or commandments which, if followed vigilantly, will aid one and all in at least appearing somewhat intelligent. Here are a small sampling:

  1. Thou shall not babble on aimlessly when talking to others or to thyself;
  2. Thou shall diligently use thy turn signal when changing lanes in traffic;
  3. Thou shall not talk loudly on the cell phone while sitting in a stall in a public restroom, standing in line at the grocery store or while riding thy bicycle in the street;
  4. Thou shall not be annoyingly nosy about the affairs of others;
  5. Thou shall not relentlessly whine and complain about thy problems to everyone who crosses thy path;
  6. Thou shall not readily dispense medical advice unless thou art a licensed physician (being married to one does not count);
  7. Thou shall not allow thy dog to run loose all over the neighborhood and/or use neighbors’ front lawns or porch steps to deposit their duty;
  8. Thou shall not form a human wall while strolling on the busy sidewalk so that no one may pass around thee;
  9. Thou shall not lock thy lips on the bumper of the car in front of thee, thereby tailgating; and


10. Thou shall not allow thy gaping mouth to resemble a fly trap by leaving it partially open while maintaining a blank expression on thy face so thee looks like the epitome of stupidity.

This is only a partial list, but I think it’s a start. Should you catch yourselves, dear readers, engaged in any of the foregoing, please remember what category you may fall in.

There are only two races on this planet-the intelligent and the stupid. – John Fowles

Great minds think.

Keli

Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

9 Responses to “How to Avoid Resembling the Epitome of Stupidity (Or How Not to Act Like a Stuper)”

  1. Suzie says:

    Keli, you skipped one:
    Thou should pay attention and listen, when some one is talking to them.

  2. dawn says:

    Good list… I’ll post it on my fridge as a reminder 🙂

  3. Jennifer says:

    “Thou shall not lock thy lips on the bumper of the car in front of thee …” LOL that made me laugh so hard. Wish my husband wouldn’t do it … also he refuses to use his turn signal when he changes lanes. He just drifts on over … *sigh of resignation* … I of course am blameless at all times …

  4. Starlily says:

    I especially like # 3- (I would include public transit-it is annoying to have to listen to someone’s personal call on the train) and # 5 Some people only seem to be in their element when they are spreading their misery around, I have zero tolerance for whining…

    Great list Keli! I also love the quote again, I’ve copied it out for my fridge 😉

  5. Jillian says:

    Well, I can agree with this list!

    And lol @ “Should you catch yourselves, dear readers, engaged in any of the foregoing, please remember what category you may fall in.”

    Yes, I shall remember this!

  6. Agnes Mildew says:

    I deem myself a stuper: I babble on aimlessly to myself all the time. However, I do consider that I obtain the most intelligent arguments from myself and quite enjoy a lively debate from time to time until I get bored and go to bed to get away from myself.

  7. number five and nine are my pet hates!
    i looking forward to reading more! gets the blood simmering.

  8. Mary says:

    I am pretty good with most of those items but I must admit I get caught on #1 from time to time. (Especially if I am nervous.)

  9. Paulyn says:

    haha…I like your tip#10! Whether you say or don’t say anything at all, you’d look embarassingly stupid in that expression!

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