It Pays to be Stupid or I Can’t Get No Stuperfaction*

Okay, I’m wearing my full stuper-fighting, suit of armor, and I am actively recruiting a volunteer anti-stuper militia. Stupers (short, once again, for inexplicably stupid persons) have taken over my school district. I modestly think I should be admired for considering action since I have no child currently enrolled in said district and never have or will. (I’ve steadfastly refused to send my kids to my local public schools).

I live in a small town. In fact, my area consists of five adjacent tiny towns, each with a population hovering around 2000 persons. We have exactly two weekly newspapers that report noteworthy activities such as the local trout derby and the arrest of an errant jay-walker.

Once in a while, there are hard-hitting news stories such as the one appearing today. It detailed the onslaught of teacher layoffs and program cuts. The local high school alone is expected to see a cut of $400,000. Before anyone reaches for a hankie, let me tell you what the headline on the next page of this paper said:

“High School Superintendent’s Contract Above Industry Standards”

We have one public high school; the Stuperintendent is responsible for this solitary high school, consisting of 1100 students. This fellow is new to his job having been freshly wooed away from his former position of assistant superintendent of a junior high school in another city. His annual salary in his new position is $176,000. The California State Superintendent of Public Instruction who oversees all the schools in the state earns $184,000.

In urban areas, superintendents oversee several high schools along with primary and secondary schools. For instance, the energetic Superintendent in Bartow County, Georgia makes $161K. She’s responsible for 3 high schools, 4 middle schools, and roughly a dozen or so elementary schools. Do you see where I’m going with this, dearest readers? Excuse me while I unclench my teeth.

I actively sought stuper-fighting recruits after reading a quote in the same paper about the recent teacher layoffs and program cuts. This quote came from the same, new local Stuperintendent. He ignobly stated:

“Releasing a teacher because of financial crises is heart-sickening.”

What I found heart-sickening was his $176K annual salary plus his $500 monthly transportation allowance and his $10,000 relocation expenses (he just moved twenty-four miles to be closer to the school), to name a few of his perks. Did I mention that he gets full health benefits?

Here are a few interesting salaries:

Alabama Gov: Bob Riley, $113,000

Arizona Gov: Janet Napolitano, $95,000

Arkansas Gov: Mike Beebe, $81,000

California Gov: Arnold Schwarzenegger, $207,000 (gives salary back to state)

Colorado Gov: Bill Ritter, $90,000

and so on….

This begs the question of whether a local school superintendent who oversees one school has more responsibility than a state governor?

Someone who makes a positive difference in the lives of school kids is invaluable. But this someone should prove his worth before being paid a hefty salary.

If you’re interested in joining my volunteer militia, please provide me with the size of your suit of armor (they run petite to extra large); I’ll send the bill to the Stuperintendent.



*short for satisfaction from prominently stupid persons

6 Responses to “It Pays to be Stupid or I Can’t Get No Stuperfaction*”

  1. Sarah says:

    Remarkable! Does this mean that if I act like a stuper I’ll be better paid or that I need to be appointed by stupers or both? BTW, I’ll take a medium please.

  2. dawn says:

    and why am I not surprised?
    I’ll order a petite please. Do they come in colors?

  3. Jennifer says:

    I’ll take a medium, in black. Black is me best color and makes me look most piratical. “Fierce, magnificent, and huge-ish …”

    Our four children were/are being educated solely in private schools (and no, we are not wealthy) and I have often said (and I mean it) that I would rather they be illiterate (not likely) than to have been “educated” in the public schools. What is heart-sickening to me is how many of my tax dollars my entire working life have gone to support public schools that I’ve never once used, and that teach things I don’t believe in.

    I don’t know what the superintendents around here make, but you are right: the superintendent of one school making $176K before perks is criminal. They should take half his salary and divvy it up among the teachers, who are in the trenches daily and most likely don’t make enough.

    *dismounts soapbox*

  4. Reilly says:

    I’m glad you’re not taking this sitting down! Over payment should be a crime.
    I’ll take a size large please in pink.

  5. Keli says:

    I think both will do.
    For you, I will personally spray paint.
    I’m sure you will look stunning in black! I think it’s a brilliant idea to divy up the salary; one I would heartily recommend to take away the heart-sickness.
    I love pink!

  6. Jillian says:

    Haha… and yet they complain about budget? /sigh.

    Also, I don’t have a problem with public schools. I have a problem with the way students are educated in general. It’s ashame there are so many gaps in knowledge…

    But I’ll join.

    But can I work in Communications? I’d like a cushy desk job! 🙂

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