A Day Almost Without Stupidity

I hope you don’t mind, dear readers, but I gave myself a day off from studying stupidity so I could just relax and go about my own business rather than the business of stupers (short for irremediably stupid persons). I tried to give myself a raise too, but I had some difficulty locating an independent third party who was financially well off enough to offer a substantial sum to a self-employed, but very deserving, specialist in the field of stupidity. Nonetheless, I will continue my search.

So I took myself to the bank yesterday, specifically a bank that sent me an invite, promising to pay me fifty dollars for opening a checking account. I’m no stuper; I carefully read the fine print (my former legal career finally came in handy), and determined I would positively be paid if I opened an account and deposited $100. I could do that.

Unfortunately, no employee of the bank had ever seen the likes of the invitation I received. I deposited my money and waited patiently, amid apologies from the staff as they attempted to sort through the means of officially forking over the fifty dollars. I bided my time by text messaging, cleaning out my purse and reading the latest Alexander McCall Smith novel when suddenly I noticed a man in a suit, across the way from where I stood, trying to get my attention.

“Watch out, ” he yelled, running towards me in slow motion. “Move your foot!”

I stepped back. The man in the suit came to an abrupt halt in front of me, lifted one brown penny loafer and slammed it on the ground. Just before said loafer hit the linoleum, I spotted the trouble. Or what in the sharp, yet profoundly dull eyes of the stuper, appeared to be a trouble spot. An itsy, bitsy spider, the size of a piece of lint from an infant’s sweater (which begs the question, is lint from the sweater of an infant smaller than that belonging to the sweater of an adult?), had been innocently strolling the floor.

The man in the suit looked at me, waiting for approval. When none came, he swaggered back and took up his original stance a few feet away, at a desk, immediately forgetting his pseudo-heroic, minuscule deed.

I’m not a fan of spiders when they appear in my home, but even so, I do try to gently escort them out as long as they’re not venomous, hairy and/or bigger than a coat button. Killing another creature without provocation or in self-defense does not score bonus points with me.

Meanwhile, the bank staff continued to be perplexed. As you may imagine, I left without my fifty bucks, but with a verbal promise of a phone call by the bank as soon as they figured out how to pay me my money. I suppose opening a drawer and taking out a little, rectangular greenish sheet of paper with President Grant’s picture was not an option.

So went my relaxing day with just a mild hint of stupidity.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. ~ Unknown

Just think.



7 Responses to “A Day Almost Without Stupidity”

  1. Sarah says:

    I really, really don’t like spiders, but there is no way I’d kill an itsy bitsy one that was walking around in a bank. In my house, for sure they’d be history.

  2. Jennifer says:

    See, I would’ve mashed the spidey (they creep me out and I have no sympathy) AND the guy(s) who said I had to leave without my greenish oblong piece o’ paper with Grant’s piccie on it. Just sayin’ … but good luck with getting yer folding money, Kel!

  3. M.C. says:

    You tolerate stupers and spiders. I think that makes you some kind of a saint. I freak out with spiders and stupers!

  4. Jillian says:

    I don’t do all that well with spiders, either. I probably would have been happy about the guy killing it. But I would have been upset about not getting my money! Hope ya get it, that’s at least a tank of gas!

  5. Maribeth says:

    I also escort spiders out the door. I don’t mind them half as much as I mind seeing an ant inside my home.

    Looks like the guys attempt at impressing you failed. 🙂

    Hope you get your fifty bucks.

  6. i hate banks with a passion that can only be rivalled by my hatred of bank employees.

    banks in poland are gastly and take money from you at every opportunity. it’s like a constant drip drip drip.

    customer service in america (i imagine) is pretty good, in japan it’s out of this world and in england it’s not too shoddy but in poland….well, there is none. they are downright rude. it’s from the communist days when they got paid and never got sacked. the idea was to be as rude as possible so people didn’t come back. if they didn’t come back then you still got paid.

    i’m sorry i don’t know why i wrote all that. must be harbouring some ill feeling towards the shopkeepers of poland.

  7. Keli says:

    I understand.
    I hear you! Thanks!
    It took a long time before I tolerated stupers. I was quicker to tolerate spiders.
    Et tu, Jillian?
    I’m afraid that very soon, fifty bucks won’t even be enough for a tank of gas!
    Me too (about the fifty bucks).
    I fully understand your feeling about banks. There are an enormous amount of stupers working there, worldwide.
    Feel free to vent here anytime! My blog is your blog!

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