Stubborn Stupidity

Isn’t stupidity a peculiar malady? It typically arrives out of nowhere, wrecks havoc and then nonchalantly departs, leaving the recipient with a bad aftertaste or much worse. It’s like getting smacked on the back of the head while in the middle of innocently reading a good book (the smack being the symbol for stupidity; the book, a symbol for life).

I have days, despite the fact that I am a renowned stupidity specialist to my 3.5 readers, where I become fixated on a past idiotic occurrence that leaves me asking over and over again, “Why?” Recently, I regressed back to a time many years ago when I suffered a run-in with a person of particularly stupid proportions.

When my older child was in pre-school, we pre-school moms decided to throw a baby shower for our sixty-year-old, exalted leader, Margie. Actually, Margie was the school director, and the forthcoming baby belonged to her daughter.

I found, quite possibly, the most adorable stuffed animal ever to grace a toy store, and one on which I formed an instant crush. It took all my self-control not to purchase the precious little dust collector for myself; I bought it as a present for Margie’s grandbaby’s shower.

That very afternoon, in the school parking lot, while awaiting the dismissal of our little guys and girls, a few of us moms discussed the gifts we’d purchased. I heard one parent, let’s call her Tammy Jean Mayhew of Rolling Hills Estates, describe the exact stuffed animal that I’d bought. When I told Tammy of my duplicate purchase, she squinted her eyes, crossed her arms tightly against her flat chest (don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against flat chests on men or women. Only on Tammy), and puffed out her cheeks, squirrel-like. Then she announced in a huff,

“I think you should march yourself right back to the store and return your’s!”

“Why?” I asked.

“I bought mine first!”

Of course, Tammy’s reasoning was unsound as well as irrelevant. But stupidity rarely makes a viable defense.

I noticed other mothers stepping backwards, away from the potential fray, and/or ducking behind the nearest mini-van. Meanwhile, I pondered how to handle such disagreeable derangement. Tammy stood there stubbornly, shoe-horn style chin sticking out threateningly, pointy nose jutting upwards. Had she somehow traded places with her four-year-old a la Freaky Friday?

I then did what any thinking, rational being would do in such circumstances. No, I didn’t kick her in the shin or squash half a grapefruit on her impertinent face. And I did not give in to my unnatural desire of pulling her rubbery chin just to see if it was stretchy as well as stubbly. Instead, I informed her,

“See you at the shower.”

And I gladly left.

I may have been a receiver of stupidity, but I was certainly not going to be a giver.

Left alone and forgotten, inane situations, such as this one, generally resolve themselves. The shower went swimmingly and afterwards, I received a lovely thank-you note from Margie. In it, she stated how lucky her new grandchild was going to be to have two identical, darling stuffed animals. One would stay at Margie’s house, and the other at her daughter’s.

The less contact and thought we give to stupidity, the better off we are. It gives us more time to focus on creating our own positive, enlightening thoughts which is what I should have been doing instead of recalling Tammy’s inanity.

Keep thinking.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

6 Responses to “Stubborn Stupidity”

  1. Jennifer says:

    Girl this is one of your funniest posts ever. I can just SEE Tammy Jean Mayhew’s rubbery shoehorn style STUBBLY chin and maddeningly jutting pointy snout.

    I would have loved, however, to see you smash the grapefruit on said snout a la James Cagney … a true Kodak moment, lost forever.

    How by the way did she KNOW she had bought hers first? Did you two compare receipts, or did she just assume?

    Great save by the uber-classy Margie, by the way.

  2. Jillian says:

    LOL @ “…(don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against flat chests on men or women. Only on Tammy)…”

    I’ve known a few Tammys. Blech! I think you handled it well. MUCH much better than I would have. Sometimes I just have to walk away from certain people, because if I didn’t, my mouth would undoubtedly get me in trouble.

    And I actually try to avoid confrontation!

  3. Starlily says:

    Thanks for the giggles! 😉

    Stupers seem to focus on what everyone else ‘should’ be doing, instead of keeping track of their own stupidity. I think you handled the situation very classily (is that a word? hmm, I think ‘graciously’ would work too) and so did Margie. It’s nice to hear about someone with that level of manners.

  4. dawn says:

    😀 … never give in to stupidity! You did the right thing!

  5. Suzie says:

    I would do like Lucy did to Ethel in the “I love Lucy show” –
    I would tear her gift to pieces. You are a very classy person!

  6. Keli says:

    Jennifer:
    Thank you! Stupidity has an uncanny knack for assuming and jumping to conclusions. And you’re right – I was thinking of James Cagney when I considered the grapefruit. Plus, I had a grapefruit in my car (I’d just finished grocery shopping).
    Jillian:
    I’m afraid my mouth has gotten me into trouble in the past. I don’t do that anymore since it didn’t make me feel any better.
    Starlily:
    You’re welcome and you’re absolutely right – stupers do focus on others.
    dawn:
    Very true!
    Suzie:
    Thank you!

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