Time and Stupidity

For years, scientists have been grappling with the concept of time. They dream of harnessing this elusive, mysterious phenomenon in order to perform heretofore unimagined wonders. Stupers (short for chronically stupid persons) often manage to stop time altogether.

Take for instance, Fred’s simple excursion into a multi-story parking structure. He arrived early, knowing spaces would be plentiful. Fred entered the structure and promptly came to an abrupt halt. Another car, stopped dead center, awaited the departure of a parked vehicle. From Fred’s vantage point, he spotted numerous, lonely, vacant spots, just around the corner. Undoubtedly, they existed throughout the structure.

Meanwhile, the driver of the car in front of Fred, brushed her hair and applied mascara while she rocked out with Avril Lavigne. And the parked car that she awaited? Well, that driver had slipped into a coma.

As the clock ticked, a line of cars appeared behind Fred. Fred tooted his horn. No reaction from either stuper. Then he honked it. Motorists behind him chimed in to show their support. No reaction. When Fred rolled down his window, about to scream like a banshee, the parked car driver must have awoken from his reverie. He started his engine and slowly lumbered out. Finally, Fred was free to drive up and away and choose from hundreds of available spaces in the structure.

What should Fred have done to offset the immense annoyance and irritation he felt being stuck behind persons of such obviously impoverished intellects? He should have reached behind his seat, pulled a few levers and convinced himself that he didn’t lack patience, had plenty of time, focused on something he really desired in life, then clicked his heels together three times and said, “There’s no way stupers can get to me.”

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When I went to the post office to send a package, I considered myself exceedingly fortunate; there was only one person in line in front of me.

When it was my turn, the postal worker seemed pleasant and helpful. Visions of finishing my business in less than two minutes danced in my head. That was before the bundt cake incident.

Just after my package was weighed, the employee reached behind her to get a stamp when time froze for all present. Why? Because the worker assisting me stopped to chat with another employee who’d just arrived, and who suffered from an unnatural desire to describe, in abundant detail, the bundt cake she’d baked the night before. The kind of detail normally utilized to describe a science experiment to the professors in the physics department of MIT.

To recapture the attention I required, I attempted to exude enough personal warmth to ignite a small campfire; I smiled, threw back my head and laughed in wild abandon. Not surprisingly, it didn’t work, although the rest of the people waiting in line were quite amused. I was just about to yell, “Hey!” in a volume that would surely prove once and for all that I was a gifted yeller, when the worker turned back to me and gave me my stamp. Next time, I’ll just click my heels together and say, “There’s no place like home,” so before I know it, I will be home.

Remember, focus on your good so your good will grow. If you focus on stupidity, well, you know what’ll happen.

Keep thinking.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

6 Responses to “Time and Stupidity”

  1. Sarah says:

    Just yesterday, time stopped in the market because I was behind a stuper who decided it was high time she catch up with a friend she ran into! Everyone had to wait. Then when she did start to unload her cart for the cashier, she kept stopping to talk. It took me a long time to get out thanks to that stuper. Next time I’ll see what clicking my heels will do for me!

  2. Jennifer says:

    “impoverished intellects” … that sums it up nicely.

    You don’t want to get me started on the post office … I’ve got a blog post brewing on that fine subject.

    Bet you looked real nice throwing your head back and laughing! Beats crying, which is the first thing that springs to mind in such situations.

  3. dawn says:

    Just today I spent two hours waiting in a doctors office…
    I decided to pass the time by imagining what the ailments of all the other patients were… 😉 By the time I got out of there I was depressed!

  4. Jillian says:

    I hate HATE when the person assisting me stops to chat it up with a fellow co-worker! Not only is that BAD customer service, it’s just plain RUDE! Who does that… seriously?

    I guess STUPERS!

    I know customer service isn’t the most rewarding job, but it’s still a job and it deserves to be done well and that means focusing your attention on what’s important: the customer!.

  5. Paulyn says:

    Why do they do that? At one time while I was waiting for my order to be completed in one of the leading fast food chains here, the staff began chatting with her co-worker and it was taking her quite a while to complete my order. I had to remind her that the line behind me was long, before the two decided to stop their conversation. I was really irritated by then!

  6. Keli says:

    Sarah:
    Forced waiting is no fun. To overcome, we’ve got to figure out ways to put our minds into better, less impatient places.
    Jennifer:
    I’ve got plenty of post office tales – I think I could write an entire chapter…
    dawn:
    I do not like waiting in the doctor’s office and listening to other patients. I know exactly what you mean!
    Jillian:
    I agree! If these stupers would just try and do their jobs well, they’d meet with an unexpected satisfaction that could change their stuper lives forever.
    Paulyn:
    I’m sorry to hear you were irritated! I usually try to join in their conversation to remind them of why I was there in the first place. It actually does work!

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