The Kiss of Stupidity

Away for the past few days on a short, but splendid trip, I wondered what to write for my dear readers upon my return? Alas, I had no run-ins with stupidity.

I stayed in a lovely Inn with a terrifically friendly staff in an unfalteringly charming town with exceedingly pleasant company. Everything that could go right did. Even the garden-variety stupers (short, as you know, for unyieldingly stupid persons), did not receive my slightest attention or any recognition.

Before I fell asleep last night, while in the midst of divine communion, I simply knew that a topic would come to me. It did. I dreamt about it.

In my dream, my grandmother, mother and I visited an ailing friend of Grandma’s in some sort of large establishment filled with roomy suites. In one of the suites sat Granny’s friend, Sam, who looked pretty damn good for a sick pal, not to mention he appeared to have shaved off almost half a century and now resembled a young George Clooney, with nary a gray hair.

Some relatives of mine were also present, including those who subscribe to the minimalist school of thought. Namely, the vexing Aunt Fay.

Now, when you see some one you care about, chances are you’re going to hug, kiss, slap on the back, grab by the shoulders, pull by the hair…make some sort of physical contact. Unless, you’re a stereotypical Brit, which, of course, we are not. My idiot relatives, mainly Aunt Fay, air kiss.

air kiss

Aunt Fay approaches me, attempts a smile, then comes within about two-three inches of my face, turns her vacant head and kisses in the air near each cheek, Euro style, leaving me a little deaf from the resounding smack. There is absolutely no physical contact. This gets on my nerves because I think, why bother at all?

In my dream, I complained to Mom about the futility vs. the usefulness of air kissing by Aunt Fay. Mom replied,

“She’s f***kingly phony.”

In shock from Mom’s startling expletive, I awoke.

First of all, the possibility of my mother swearing in any manner is about as likely as my growing six more arms and roaming about on the ocean floor. It ain’t gonna happen. Not in this lifetime, anyway. Secondly, can the F word be used as an adverb?

Aunt Fay is phony. My sincere, thinking relatives don’t think twice about showing physical contact when around loved ones. Demonstrating affection, unless contrary to one’s culture, religion, or found to be punishable by imprisonment is not only permissible but a means of communicating feelings.

I know. Some of my readers are saying, get over it, Keli, it was just a dream and maybe you’re not one of Aunt Fay’s favorites, so why expect some sort of tearful, yet joyous reunion during your sleep? I don’t. But I do appreciate tranquility, asleep or awake.

Many people banish relatives, friends or lovers from their lives before any closure or resolution takes place. Of course, sometimes closure isn’t possible when one or both parties has a mind that’s closed or is just plain stupid, which is what a closed mind is, after all.

The best avenue to follow is to create your own ending from inside your own thoughts and heart. People aren’t always going to behave the way we think they should. Take control. Imagine speaking together in a way where kindly understanding does take place. To do this one must be unbound by any past unhappiness (which is not easy to do when you’re the proud, but humble owner of a virtually photographic memory, particularly when it comes to past wrongs).

I’m not a fan of my Aunt Fay and can’t say I’ve ever been (she’s married to Granny’s bro). But in my head, I imagined hugging her tightly (after the air kisses) and telling her how happy I was to see her. And treating her genuinely like someone I actually cared about. Her response to me was unimportant because in the end, it’s my own reaction that forms my character.

I’m not advocating turning into a doormat in order to deal with a diligent dolt. But I’ve found that one healthy way to deal with stupers is to admit to their existence, try to understand them and then, with monumental fortitude, be indifferent to them. Otherwise those irritating malcontents will take control of your mind.

Control your thoughts.


13 Responses to “The Kiss of Stupidity”

  1. Jennifer says:

    in the end, it’s my own reaction that forms my character.

    That was a great insight contained in a most entertaining post.

    about as likely as my growing six more arms and roaming about on the ocean floor.

    THAT made me spit Diet Caffeine-Free Pepsi out me nose. Thanks a lot, Kel!

  2. Nice post. I remember a fad in high school where girls were doing this. Drove me nuts. You were spot on about the annoying sound it makes mere inches from your ears. next time tilt your head and lay a big juicy one on Aunt Fay with extra helpings of tongue.

  3. BurntMaze says:

    indifference, yes! that’s the approach that i try to take (not always successfully, i should add).

    sometimes i purposefully ignore what they have said as though i haven’t heard them. i continue on hoping that they won’t say the same stupid thing again. the problem is that it’s not really me. then i feel guilty about ignoring what they’ve said and i dedicate significant time to running through what might have happened had i responded to their comment.

    i find it very difficult to be unaffected by shitwits. you have, however, prompted me to try harder.



  4. Suzie says:

    Good job Keli, I loved it.

  5. heidi says:

    Funny post with great advice. I am sure that sometimes I can be on the other end of this too. Maybe others will have patience with me as well.

  6. dawn says:

    Very true… it’s better to take time to try and understand a person and in the long run you will develop a better tolerance. I practiced on my mother 🙂

  7. Acne says:

    I really understand your dream, being on the receiving end of phony affection is really awkward. Thanks for the great advice!

  8. Keli says:

    Thank you, Jen! Hope you had a napkin nearby.
    Maybe earplugs are in order in such cases.
    Burntmaze (Tom):
    I understand completely. That’s why it’s all the more important to let go of it quickly and move on. It takes practice, but it works!
    Thank you! Yes, we are all on the other end sometimes. The difference is, as in your case, we are aware and make an effort not to repeat such idiocies. Stupers lack awareness and hence just continue to be…stupers.
    Good girl! I’m all for tolerance.
    Thanks for the visit!

  9. Great info. This has certainly been a valuable post. Keep it up.

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