Stupidity on Horseback

If you should find yourself hankering for a road trip just to see some new sights, eat junk food and sing road trip tunes, or if you’re merely yearning to play short-term tourist, but don’t quite know where or what to tour, you can stave off homesickness by staying close by, and still be entertained. Or at least mildly amused… by the ludicrous antics of the everywhere present and forever empty-headed stupers (short, yet again, for mind bogglingly stupid persons).

Stupers are an entirely unpredictable lot which are best viewed and unappreciated from afar. Which is exactly how I observed two of the most profoundly counterfeit humans on American asphalt.

I stopped on a highway, at a red light, a few miles from my home. Two cars waited in front of me, and other vehicles paused all around the intersection. No one moved. I turned my head and saw why. From the street on my left, coming at full, unstoppable gallop, two horses rapidly approached with cowboy and cowgirl riders, followed by a stumpy, panting brown jumble of a dog, who desperately tried to keep his short legs up with the riders. The stoplight for them had turned a glaring yellow, but they kept right on coming (it was a long intersection; any longer, and it could have declared statehood). I sat, biting my nails, on the edge of my seat.

The signal turned red before the brainless riders made it across, but of course the color change was irrelevant. I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if they’d tried to lasso a Prius on the way.

Fortunately, all nearby drivers utilized their working heads. No autos moved until the riders and the dog landed safely across. Once there, they continued to ride rapidly, across the YMCA driveway where an unsuspecting motorist happened to be attempting to exit. The car braked in amazement, with a screech to highlight its indignation.

A few yards afterwards, the afflicted riders suddenly decided to walk the horses. I’m certain that if a neighborhood neurologist happened to be passing by and randomly decided to conduct a brain scan on said riders, he/she would have discovered an acute case of atrophy.

I live in the northern tip of southern California. Though it is the countryside, we don’t have any true, born and bred, cowboys around here. But we do have plenty of city folk ranchers who do like to haphazardly impersonate cow folk. Hence, the horseback riders stampeding in the major intersection.

Stupers provide a side show in this game of life. When subjected to such stuper sightings, don’t give in to your initial reaction of annoyance or irritation or severe hostility leading you to finally use that hand grenade you picked up at that military base garage sale. The best way to maintain one’s sanity when being subjected to stuper sightings is to laugh. And be grateful that you are capable of using your mind.

Think first.


6 Responses to “Stupidity on Horseback”

  1. Jennifer says:

    They must’ve been late for the rodeo, Kel. What a visual you painted! ROFL!

  2. dawn says:

    Since that’s the last thing I’d expect at an intersection… I probably would laugh 😀

  3. Sarah says:

    That’s hilarious!

  4. Where exactly do you live? Tombstone, Arizona? Although the Police do ride on horseback in downtown Toronto, there’s cause for that. I can’t imagine seeing two citizens just riding around a city/town/whatever on horses walking their dog.

  5. gt281 says:

    northern tip of southern California???….
    is that like the Eastern edge of Western Palm beach?…

  6. Julianne says:

    Mystery solved: there really are rednecks in California. Thank goodness you get to share in the humor they provide us all.

    I realize redneck can be construed as an offensive term but I mean it in the best possible way 😉

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