Gawking Stupidity Strikes Again

July 5, 2008 by Keli.

One of the most vile, lowly, meaningless and potentially harmful forms of stupidity is one I’ve posted about in the past. Yet, I must mention it again. If you ever housed any doubt that stupidity is indeed a type of disease, even an epidemic, the event below should change your mind.

There are a number of currently uncontrollable and damaging fires in the area where I live. The other night, my older son (Son), in trying to return home in the evening after work, found that many obstacles got in his way, most especially stupers (short again, for appallingly stupid persons).

During the evening, a widespread power outage took place, as did widespread stupidity. All street lights, signals, stores and homes lacked electricity. Vehicles driving provided the only source of light. In this almost complete darkness, chaos ensued, as people attempted to make their way home. Son reported that many intersections contained traffic accidents. As you may imagine, if there’s even one stuper involved, Murphy’s Law (if anything can go wrong, it will) instantly comes into play.

Although Murphy’s Law originally referred to the failure of scientific or inanimate objects, I ask you, is not a stuper’s brain an inanimate object? Anecdotally, the law has also suggested that some individuals appear to manifest a Murphy Field. When these individuals are around systems that function normally, the systems suddenly fail or operate erratically. Isn’t that so true of stupers?

Son reported that as long as one was cautious, accidents were avoidable. But how about when pedestrian stupers hurled themselves into major boulevards in the darkness trying to cross busy streets in order to get a ringside seat, closer to the fires? Suicide gawkers raced around at night, on foot, in a mad tizzy lest they miss any action. Safety was not an issue. Neither was the possibility of giving aid or assistance to the fire crews.

“Some cars were pulled over, but then there were a few who just stopped in the middle of the street,” Son said in disbelief. “Stupers had their elbows on top of their cars and were just getting a big thrill out of this disaster. I was amazed at how many people were gawking.”

I read a similar account of stupers hindering the efforts of fire trucks at a house fire in North Carolina. Consequently, the home burned down. The town’s fire chief said smoke from the blaze attracted a stream of motorists curious as to what was on fire. He stated that a number of stuper motorists detoured just to take a look at what was burning. The influx of motorists quickly jammed the narrow street, preventing desperately needed tanker trucks from reaching the burning house in time.

I plan to apply for a city permit allowing me to round up gawkers during disastrous events. It shouldn’t be difficult as these stupers usually walk in a daze or stand trance like while gawking, so no sedatives or stun guns will be necessary. Then I’ll place them in a large truck similar to those used by the animal shelter (I’m certain the local shelter will loan one to me, once they hear of my good cause).

The abhorrently curious will be transported to a labor camp. I’ll put them to work so at least they can be useful members of society. Mock disasters will then be staged periodically during their labors. When a stuper demonstrates self-control and is able to put gawking completely aside, he/she may be released back into society. But each time one succumbs to gawking, punishment will be imposed. Don’t worry, nothing too harsh. Just a little shock, courtesy of Japan’s Vision Optic Company.

These harmless looking lenses contain built in sensors, which detect the angle of your head. Should the angle suddenly change and look anywhere other than straight ahead, the motor will kick in, rocking the brain until it returns back to the task at hand. Of course, there is no limit to the rocking time…

Think.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

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