Gawking Stupidity Strikes Again

One of the most vile, lowly, meaningless and potentially harmful forms of stupidity is one I’ve posted about in the past. Yet, I must mention it again. If you ever housed any doubt that stupidity is indeed a type of disease, even an epidemic, the event below should change your mind.

There are a number of currently uncontrollable and damaging fires in the area where I live. The other night, my older son (Son), in trying to return home in the evening after work, found that many obstacles got in his way, most especially stupers (short again, for appallingly stupid persons).

During the evening, a widespread power outage took place, as did widespread stupidity. All street lights, signals, stores and homes lacked electricity. Vehicles driving provided the only source of light. In this almost complete darkness, chaos ensued, as people attempted to make their way home. Son reported that many intersections contained traffic accidents. As you may imagine, if there’s even one stuper involved, Murphy’s Law (if anything can go wrong, it will) instantly comes into play.

Although Murphy’s Law originally referred to the failure of scientific or inanimate objects, I ask you, is not a stuper’s brain an inanimate object? Anecdotally, the law has also suggested that some individuals appear to manifest a Murphy Field. When these individuals are around systems that function normally, the systems suddenly fail or operate erratically. Isn’t that so true of stupers?

Son reported that as long as one was cautious, accidents were avoidable. But how about when pedestrian stupers hurled themselves into major boulevards in the darkness trying to cross busy streets in order to get a ringside seat, closer to the fires? Suicide gawkers raced around at night, on foot, in a mad tizzy lest they miss any action. Safety was not an issue. Neither was the possibility of giving aid or assistance to the fire crews.

“Some cars were pulled over, but then there were a few who just stopped in the middle of the street,” Son said in disbelief. “Stupers had their elbows on top of their cars and were just getting a big thrill out of this disaster. I was amazed at how many people were gawking.”

I read a similar account of stupers hindering the efforts of fire trucks at a house fire in North Carolina. Consequently, the home burned down. The town’s fire chief said smoke from the blaze attracted a stream of motorists curious as to what was on fire. He stated that a number of stuper motorists detoured just to take a look at what was burning. The influx of motorists quickly jammed the narrow street, preventing desperately needed tanker trucks from reaching the burning house in time.

I plan to apply for a city permit allowing me to round up gawkers during disastrous events. It shouldn’t be difficult as these stupers usually walk in a daze or stand trance like while gawking, so no sedatives or stun guns will be necessary. Then I’ll place them in a large truck similar to those used by the animal shelter (I’m certain the local shelter will loan one to me, once they hear of my good cause).

The abhorrently curious will be transported to a labor camp. I’ll put them to work so at least they can be useful members of society. Mock disasters will then be staged periodically during their labors. When a stuper demonstrates self-control and is able to put gawking completely aside, he/she may be released back into society. But each time one succumbs to gawking, punishment will be imposed. Don’t worry, nothing too harsh. Just a little shock, courtesy of Japan’s Vision Optic Company.

These harmless looking lenses contain built in sensors, which detect the angle of your head. Should the angle suddenly change and look anywhere other than straight ahead, the motor will kick in, rocking the brain until it returns back to the task at hand. Of course, there is no limit to the rocking time…



7 Responses to “Gawking Stupidity Strikes Again”

  1. Sarah says:

    Sounds like your camp would fill up really quickly! Maybe those glasses can be handed out to gawking stupers while they’re gawking in public. We’d sure see a lot of rocking heads.

  2. FerdC says:

    Keli, you literally made me LOL. Stuper brains as inanimate objects, and the Murphy Field, are delicious concepts, and so true!!!

    Great idea for the curious stuper gawker labor camp! You should go into politics. You’d have my vote if I were in CA.

  3. Suzie says:

    Where can I buy those glasses?

  4. Jennifer says:

    ROFLOUTLOUD! Hope you’ve applied for a patent on them glasses, Keli. You’ll make a fortune. I’ve never figured out why the sight of destruction is so irresistible to humans. We would much rather see something (or someone) destroyed rather than built up. It’s sad.

  5. dawn says:

    Great invention there Keli… Brain Rockers! I like it 😀

  6. damon says:

    Sorry to hear about the fires.
    Just remember that Darwins law takes care of the idiots who need a closer look at a wildfire!

  7. Keli says:

    At least stupers would be easier to spot if they wore those glasses, wouldn’t they?
    Thank you! I’d probably last about three and one-half minutes in politics. as I don’t think I’ve yet reached the level of top flight stuper fighter.
    Those glasses actually are real and made by the Japan Vision Optic Co. They retail for about $375 dollars, but are not specifically designed to battle stupidity. They’re to battle drowsiness (but is not the stuper mind drowsy from lack of use?). I believe they can be successfully altered to suit my noble purposes.
    It is an impossible concept to digest. I even read an account of gawkers who defended their actions, claiming they needed to see disaster upfront so they could better appreciate their own circumstances. What kind of excuse is that for hindering emergency vehicles and personnel? A stupid one, of course.
    I think Darwin’s Law is working a bit slowly these days, but thanks for pointing that out. It does provide some comfort!

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