Stupidity Backs Out

July 29, 2008 by Keli.

Contentment often springs out of helping others. But what if these others are complete and utter idiots as in the case of stupers (once again, short for rambunctiously stupid persons)?

I’m in a parking lot; a rather narrow, crowded place, potentially requiring performance driving skills in order to back out of a spot. I notice a large SUV with reverse lights ready to go. I, ever eager to display uncommon courtesy, stop a bit behind the vehicle, leaving ample room and wait. Patiently.

I change the radio station. Still patient. I roll down my window and escort a small fly outside. A sliver of my patience slips outside with the fly.

I apply lip gloss, then complete the top line of a Sudoku puzzle; I use up my last ounce of patience. I try to bum some patience off Husband, sitting in the passenger seat next to me, but his had completely run out with the fly.

I step on the gas pedal to leave and, at that very instant, guess which heretofore inert SUV driver starts to rapidly back out of his spot? I must pause here to point out that though I’ve not led a cloistered life by any means, I rarely use my car horn. In fact, my automobile is over two years old, and I’ve yet to honk. Consequently, I briefly misplaced the horn. Oh, I knew it was somewhere on the steering wheel, but dead center?

I press long and hard, startling some roosting pigeons and the brother of a friend of a stepson of a client of my husband’s whom Husband happens to recognize in the parking lot. The SUV’s rear bumper jerks to a stop, two feet short of my front fender.

I proceed forward. Husband gives the driver a look reserved for the criminally insane. He states incredulously,

“Can you believe it? He’s yelling and flipping us off! He’s mad at us!”

One of my cardinal rules: Never, ever, meet the gaze of a stuper in action if you can help it, particularly if either or both of you is driving a vehicle. I calmly ask Husband to avert his eyes.

One cardinal rule of stupers: Never, ever, bother to look behind you when reversing out of a parking spot. Too much exertion is required; besides, it is the total responsibility of other folks to exercise awareness, especially while operating a motor vehicle.

Another cardinal rule of stupers: If you don’t see a speed limit sign in a parking lot, there isn’t any!

Think and grow smart.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

Posted in Vehicular Stupidity, Plain Old Fashioned Stupidity | 4 Comments »