Home Loan Stupidity

This very morning I came upon Husband, sitting in front of his computer, staring incredulously at the screen, slack-jawed and momentarily paralyzed. A few smelling salts later and he revived. I soon discovered the reason for his temporary paralysis: stupers (short, yet again, for relentlessly stupid persons). He’d been stuperfied!

Let me back up a moment. Just before I found him, Husband was going over his checking account to see which checks had been cashed by using online banking services. If any of my dear readers are fainthearted or have an aversion to financial institutions that seem hell-bent on robbing customers that they are supposed to be servicing, do not read on.

When I came upon Husband this morning, he’d discovered an error in his checking account. He’d written a $1700 check to pay for a mortgage to Countrywide Home Loans. In the second line on the check, Husband had printed out the words, one thousand seven hundred dollars and no cents. Take note, it was not written in Russian, Mandarin, Cuneiform or Hieroglyphics, but in plain English.

Guess what the mindless at Countrywide did with the check? Oh, they cashed it all right. But they decided that Husband didn’t really want to pay the paltry sum of $1700 on his mortgage, but rather the more substantial amount of $7700.

Is it possible the Countrywide representative(s) in Husband’s case was working with only one eye open or, more likely, .00002 percent of available brain power? Was this a simple, innocent mistake or stupidity? You decide. All I knew was that tendrils of steam escaped Husband’s ears. And that third graders could better read and understand a basic check then some Countrywide employees. But I also realized the importance of remaining calm and collected in order to promote clear thinking and rapid resolution of a situation.

I’m all for speaking softly and carrying a big stick except when dealing with undeniable idiots. Then one must speak firmly while wielding any reasonably threatening instrument, tool or average kitchen implement. A sturdy cane or a handy, but very large wrench would do; or perhaps an all purpose rolling pin (preferably with marble body and maple handles).

Husband stated that he was going to the bank in person and have them contact Countrywide. I suggested he use firmness with a dash of courtesy. I said in my best Obi-Wan Kenobi voice,

“When you go to the bank, don’t lose your temper. You can control any situation if you can control yourself.”

Husband went to the bank. He emerged even-tempered, unscathed and with a promise from the bank and Countrywide that the situation would be remedied quickly. And he didn’t even have to bring along the rolling pin.

Great minds like to think.



6 Responses to “Home Loan Stupidity”

  1. Sarah says:

    This is very true. I can’t believe how much better things go when I feel calm. The minute I get mad, everything seems to fall apart.

  2. Ferd says:

    I am SO impressed! I didn’t know you knew how to do Jedi mind tricks. I bet you can get husband to do anything! Teach me, master!

  3. Jenny says:

    YAY! The force was with him! I need to remember this lesson more often and hide my goat better. People find my goat much too easily. My goat likes to stand right out in the open where folks can get him. Afterwards I generally feel like a stuper.

  4. dawn says:

    Good for Husband!
    You have taught him well 🙂
    lol @ smelling salts!

  5. damon says:

    I’m sure the error was due to the fact that the nimrod at countrywide gets daily rolling pin beatings from thousands of satisfied customers.

  6. Keli says:

    Oh madness is wicked. It clouds the mind and dulls the senses!
    Thank you! I’m offering free mind training classes. Just let me know when you’re in the So Cal area and you’re in!
    I know what you mean about that pesky goat. I used to have a goat, but gave it away and don’t miss it one bit!
    Yes, he did good!
    “Nimrod”? I love that word! If only he got daily beatings from satisfied customers. I really think it would make a difference!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.