Stupidity Forgets Names

September 13, 2008 by Keli.

How many times have you forgotten a person’s name moments after you’ve been introduced? Don’t worry, such forgetfulness does not necessarily make one a stuper (short for an abjectly stupid person). However, if you continually (a minimum of three times) persist in forgetting a person’s name, getting it wrong or mispronouncing it after being reminded each and every time, then you are indeed wholeheartedly and wholeemptyheadedly a stuper. I should add that if you forget a unique or challenging name (for instance, Hephaestus or Saoirse), then continually is redefined to mean persistent forgetfulness a minimum of twelve times. Note, also, that this implies regular contact with the one whose name is neglected.

My friend, Ben, has an easy name. A deaf, one-eyed mariner could get it, even with a twitch in his good eye. I suppose there are those that could mispronounce it, giving it a long e sound in the middle or thinking the n was silent as in “know” (I realize I’m really stretching here; I do try to look at all options). But after being corrected, an authentic human should get it right.

Ben attended a local fundraiser and gave his name to a new acquaintance, Peter. Ben also wore a nametag clearly printed “Ben.” After they chatted, Peter said,

“Nice to meet you, Steve!”

Peter was not inebriated and appeared mentally sound, according to Ben. When they conversed, Peter spoke coherently and did not behave like a stuper.

Ben saw Peter a few days later at a meeting they both attended. Peter again called Ben, “Steve.”

Ben told me,

“I informed Peter very clearly that my name was not Steve. I told him slowly and clearly that I was called Ben. We talked for a few minutes, said goodbye and once again Peter said, ‘Bye Steve!’ I repeated my name firmly, but politely. The next time I saw Peter, I was still Steve. I’ll be seeing Peter again since we move in the same circles. I like talking to him, but I also like being called by my own name. What am I supposed to do?”

You can see how Peter got the names confused. They’re so similar. Steve and Ben. Jay and Jake. Ken and Kent. Ben and Steve. Anyone could trip over those. If that anyone is a stuper.

Stupers suffer from a preoccupation with themselves, meaning they listen to others intermittently, if at all. It’s selfishness, really, caused by a lack of understanding as well as disinterest. Short of gifting Peter with a long, thick chain to wear around the neck which Ben could soundly yank each time Peter called Ben by the wrong name, I suggested Ben take Peter aside and try this monologue:

Ben: Hey, Pete, it’s good to see you! It’s me, Ben! I was just telling myself, you know, Ben, you really should take Peter to lunch sometime. But then, I thought, Ben, Peter’s a busy man…

My point is that in order to get a stuper to remember your name: repeat. Then repeat again. And again, but do it at intervals or it may be too much for the profoundly vacant mind to process. Also, in Ben’s case, he could attempt to create a picture for Peter in this manner:

Ben: My name is Ben. You know, like the Big Clock. I actually think I may be a direct descendant of Ben Franklin. Do you know who sang that hit song, “Ben?”

These pictures may take form, stimulating the stuper mind to utilize his idle memory. In this way, Peter may actually remember Ben’s name.

If any of my dear readers should find themselves forgetting the name of a new acquaintance, I suggest truthfulness.

“I’m sorry, what was your name again?” or “Am I pronouncing it correctly?” 

People do like to hear their names spoken. Why not make a point of getting it right? It takes a little thought and immediately elevates you to the status of a thinker.

If we think kindly, we become kind. If we think cruelly, we become cruel. If we don’t think, we become stupers.

Just think.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

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