Stupidity, Thanksgiving and the Disinvited

I have two sisters-in-law. Denice is thoughtful, kind and generous. Then there’s Naomi.

Naomi invited Denice, her husband and adult daughter to Thanksgiving dinner. Then just as quickly, Naomi dissed them. By “dissed” I mean disinvited them. Why? Because Naomi is a card-carrying stuper (short for a noxiously stupid person), and the brain of an idiot, as most of my dear readers have learned, is corroded, filled with selfish, contaminated thoughts. Naomi told Denice she decided to have a “low key” gathering including only her own parents. Naomi was unable to put her foot down without putting it in her mouth, a defect of most stupid minds.

Denice, being quite resourceful, did what any authentic human would do: invited some of her favorite people to share and enjoy her own Thanksgiving.

To ensure a stuper free holiday where we can focus on grateful, warm and loving thoughts, here are a few suggestions to keep stupers at bay when you can’t keep them away:

1.  According to a study conducted by US researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, dietary nutrients found in a wide range of foods from infant formula to eggs increase brain synapses and improve cognitive abilities. Provide foods at your holiday feast that boost intelligence in hopes of instant mental stimulation for any idiots at your table. Toss in some infant formula in the gravy in lieu of butter or cream. No one needs to know. Throw in a trout and some beets and you can’t go wrong. Tell the stuper this is exactly what Madonna eats at her Thanksgiving table.

2. Bring pictures of your trip to the Rainforest to keep the stuper occupied for a period of time. Let them view the photos while watching Paris Hilton’s My New BFF and I guarantee you won’t see or hear the fascinated dimwit at all.

3. A bottle of red wine does wonders for keeping stupers under control. If wine seems to have little effect, try bourbon (making sure, of course, that the stuper does not operate a motor vehicle or any vehicle with wheels or springs).

4. Be thoughtful to counteract the negative waves of stupidity.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

6 Responses to “Stupidity, Thanksgiving and the Disinvited”

  1. Rebecca says:

    I will carefully watch what I feed any stupers attending Thxgiving at my house tomorrow. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

  2. Sarah says:

    Happy Thanksgiving keli!
    I will need these tips because I have stupers visiting me. I don’t have any rainforest pictures, so I hope my pictures of the kids at the zoo will do.

  3. Annie T says:

    And a Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, Keli – I hope you are enjoying yourselves.

    Such sound advice. I think you ought to make corporate videos, actually, and get the HR departments to implement your suggestions. I guess the red wine would be a problem. But at least it would keep them quiet and let the workers get on…

  4. Ferd says:

    I never thought of infant formula, trout and beets at Thanksgiving. Maybe you’re starting a new tradition! LOL!

    The alcohol thing will probably work, but too much of a good thing might backfire. I’ve seen regular stupers become STUPERS when sloppy drunk. I’m sure you have, too. We all have. Sigh.

    Have a very Happy Thanksgiving, Keli! I hope you enjoy a lot of good family time!

    Peace!

  5. Jennifer says:

    Ehhh, I don’t know, Keli … in my (thankfully limited) experience, boozing stupers is usually not such a good thing! LOLOLOL ~~ great post as always, though!

    I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving, my friend. Merry Christmas to you!

  6. Keli says:

    Hope everyone had a lovely, stuper-free Thanksgiving!
    Rebecca:
    Thank you and I hope your stuper free menu worked.
    Sarah:
    Let me know how your zoo photos and the stuper turned out so I may include them in my list.
    Annie:
    Red wine can be a problem. With alcohol, unfortunately, the stuper must be carefully monitored so as not to go overboard, so it can be a delicate situation. Liquor is to be used as a last resort and it helps to have handcuffs handy.
    Ferd:
    Thank you, Ferd. I know you had a wonderful, stuper free Thanksgiving and that is truly something to be grateful for. Peace!
    Jenny:
    I did have a splendid Thanksgiving, thank you, and I hope you did as well. Merry Christmas to you and your lovely family!

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