Stupidity at Seminars

It is a phenomenal irritation to be an audience member at a large seminar when the room is littered with stupers (short, once more, for soberingly stupid persons). The inane, instead of listening intently to the speaker(s) onstage (some of whom may also be stupers) or drifting off in their own thoughts (virtually nonexistent as they may be), are often found engrossed in activities typically saved for more private moments, such as clipping one’s fingernails.

Husband (H) and Brother-in-law (B) attended a free two day seminar given by TJ Putts about investing in real estate. They found themselves lodged between a serial fingernail clipper and a stuper who had somehow ended up at the seminar when he really should have been at the nearest revivalist meeting. Between somersaulting thumbnails and sudden claps and shouts of “Hallelujah!”, H nearly lost his sanity. However, he remained, curious to uncover the purpose behind the free seminar.

When the potential exists for being stuck among stupers, one must plan ahead. Arrive early. Carefully scrutinize attendees and place yourself among those that appear and act least like meager minds. A few choice questions may be asked and answers assessed for listening capabilities. Also, perform a quick once over for bulging pockets and purses (containing diversionary tools such as nail clippers, hand-held video games, small pets, dice or bubble gum).

Before breaking for lunch, audience members were asked to fill out a brief survey asking how much money they had to invest. As an experiment, H stated zero; B put down a rather large amount. Then members were lectured on the importance of saying “no” to displeasing requests. During said lecture, H briefly left the room. Upon his return, a slightly agitated B whispered,

“What should we do? The fingernail clipper guy asked if he could join us for lunch, and I couldn’t say no!”

H and B grudgingly graciously had lunch with the fellow who, thankfully for all, did not clip during the meal.

After lunch, TJ Putts sent several stooges assistants out among the audience to pick a privileged few who’d be dining with him that evening, after the seminar. B was a chosen one.

“You’re coming with me,” B informed H.

H finagled an invitation, realizing it was no coincidence that B, who claimed to have a rather large sum ready to invest, was extended an invitation.

During dinner, Putts gave a brief talk on the importance of being a good listener. Then he asked a few of his guests questions. While they answered, he whipped out his iPhone and proceeded to send text messages. Once the guest was done speaking, Putts would say,

“Okay, uh-huh, now I want to know…” moving on to another guest with a completely different question, fully proving that eclipsed minds are incapable of listening, as well as following their own advice.

H, awaited his turn to give Putts a piece of his mind, but because of H’s poor potential pecuniary standing (no $ to invest), he was ignored. One woman commented on the fact that TJ wasn’t listening, but since TJ wasn’t listening, he failed to respond and moved on to his next query. H and B left early.

As my dear readers know, I place myself in the path of stupidity, willingly, practically every day, in order to offer you suggestions to help you maintain your sanity. When I can’t make it myself to stuper fests, H generously takes my place, as he and B did in today’s post. This is not to say that seminars can’t be useful places to glean information. They can. Just be sure stupidity doesn’t get in your way. If you feel a stuper is leading the group, then perhaps a different seminar may be in order.

Legitimate seminars state clear goals, offer impressive references, fact-based information and emphasize that hard work and determination are necessary ingredients to achieving success.

Use your mind.


6 Responses to “Stupidity at Seminars”

  1. Mad Woman says:

    So “Putts” not only acts as a last name but also as a testament to his character? Sounds like B & H had a great time… can’t beat flying fingernails and holy hallelujahs when you’re trying to learn about Real Estate.

  2. Sarah says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever been to a seminar without stupers present. I think the best way to avoid them is to sit in the front row. But, as you know, that doesn’t help if the seminar speakers are stupers!

  3. Sergio says:

    I went to a seminar on “how to make a million”. Guess what?
    it should have been called ” how to make ME a million”. He was selling his books and CD’s; the whole set for $800.00. He said if you
    read my books and listen to my CDs you will be a millionaire.
    Funny part is, people were buying these. Maybe they were
    his friends. Nobody is that stupid. What do you think, Keli?

  4. Suzie says:

    This seminar sounds like Timesharing seminars. They ask you to sit and listen to them talk for 45 minutes to one hour,
    hoping after they are done talking, listeners would buy
    one or more of their time sharing units. If you say you have to think about it, that is not the right answer. An answer like that makes them treat you like you’re a leper. Stupers!

  5. Jessica Bern says:

    you get what you pay for, is all I have to say

  6. Keli says:

    Mad Woman:
    Ironic about the name isn’t it?
    Front row seats can be beneficial, but you’re right; there’s no getting around idiots onstage.
    Ain’t that the truth? And yes, people are that stupid!
    So true!

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