Stupidity, Bulk Bins and Dirty Hands

Dear Moms of toddlers, preschoolers and all children waist high and shorter with grubby hands:

Yes, your kids are cute for the most part, particularly when they’re walking demurely by your side or are out cold in the stroller; but, they are not even remotely cute when they are running their sticky hands and grimy fingers through a barrel full of rolled oats, or licking and tasting gummy bears in a bulk bin of a grocery store. It’s true these bins are a highly appealing attraction for the toddler crowd, especially with the loosely attached plastic ladle for easy scooping, but really, as a parent, it’s your job to take control of your tot. Otherwise, you’ll promptly be labeled a stuper (short for a preposterously stupid person). Not an easy label to remove once it’s pinned on securely.

I watched one slobbery moppet on bended knees stretch out his arms, in unabashed glee, and plant them, elbow deep, into the bin, then quickly lift them out, spreading a dust storm of pre-sifted, organic, whole wheat pastry flour all over himself and those within an eight foot radius. The mother responded with,

“Beckett, watch out!”

Meanwhile, shoppers witnessing the spectacle contemplated clearly cut homicidal thoughts, as is customary when in the presence of a stuper. The mom was forced to grab the kid and skulk away.

As a rule, stupers should not be allowed in the bulk section of the supermarket. This goes for all idiot customers who brazenly dine out from the bulk bin, never thinking considering that their hands could be unclean.

Until such sections are outlawed or restricted, I suggest to my dear readers who feel compelled to exercise their God given rights to shop in the bulk section, to stick with the gravity dispensers and those bins out of the reach of the offspring of stupers. Gravity bins are sometimes too complex for stupers to manage. But perhaps it would be wisest to avoid the bulk section altogether, as this venue attracts the meager minded who view it as a barbarian smorgasbord of sorts – all the grains, dried fruits, candy and nuts you can eat with your filthy hands, gloriously free!

Keep thinking.

Keli

9 Responses to “Stupidity, Bulk Bins and Dirty Hands”

  1. Mad Woman says:

    Oh. Ew. Um….I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Gross! If my children ever even thought of doing something like that, they’d find their hands tied behind their backs very quickly. Disgusting, unnecessary and …well….GROSS!!!

    People..please heed this warning!

  2. Elaine says:

    OMG….this makes my stomach lurch just imagining this scene. Typically I do not shop in the bulk section and after reading this don’t think I will even consider it. Too bad they can’t give out fines for STUPIDITY!

  3. Jessica says:

    say no more. Drives me nuts. Especially with the moms who think it is ‘cute

  4. Ferd says:

    I totally share this pet peeve! Being a doctor, washing my hands a hundred times a day, being concerned with the spread of disease, this kind of behavior irritates me to the core!

    I suppose some people don’t know about germs and how they are spread. I imagine they don’t realize that the hands of their kids pick up germs every moment of the day. Maybe that’s why they seem inconsiderate of others. And since this is all common knowledge, that’s what makes them absolute stupers. They BUG me!!!

  5. NerdyNinja says:

    There should be some sort of test before people are allowed to reproduce. Honestly it’s ridiculous. My husband and I went to see the Body Worlds exhibit(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Worlds) at Discovery Place a few years ago and there was a room off to the side that had different stages of developed fetuses and they were in a glass case and I SWEAR TO GOD these people had their three sticky fingered nasty little troll children in the room opening the glass boxes and TOUCHING yes TOUCHING the preserved fetuses. They kept saying “honey you shouldn’t touch that, it’s a no no!” Yet wouldn’t make them stop. Finally I got a security guard to handle it,but I swear sometimes if you want children beaten I guess you have to do it yourself.

  6. Paulyn says:

    Oh wow… Yeah, I do agree with you Keli, little kids are cute for the most part, but definitely not when their parent or guardian would allow them to do stupid things, especially in public places! That woman knew her child better… she shouldn’t have let her child in the bulk section, in the first place…what a stuper!

  7. Casey says:

    As the mother of two kids who will NEVER be allowed to roam the store aisles freely, I want to smack those little bastards. Actually, I want to smack their parents for not instilling manners in them. I’m such a germophobe that I screamed at a lady to cover her mouth when she coughed in our direction on my first trip out of the house with my newborn. Grubby children gross me out.

  8. Keli says:

    MW:
    No kidding! My kids never even considered committing such a grimy act.
    Elaine:
    I wish they gave out fines!
    Jessica:
    I don’t think these moms think.
    Ferd:
    Me too! I watched them and these moms are totally oblivious!
    NerdyNinja:
    I guess stuper parents are likely to have stuper kids. The beating sure sounds tempting!
    Paulyn:
    I think there should be a guard in the bulk section or at least some sort of combination lock or anything to keep the stupers out!
    Casey:
    The only thing grosser than grubby kids are their stupid parents!

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