Stupidity and Creative Telemarketing

As my dear readers know, this current state of affairs has promoted creativity in many a business in order for them to continue as a force in their respective industries. This includes the telemarketing business.

I made a solemn vow to extend kindness to telemarketers harassing disturbing annoying calling me at home. It makes life more satisfying for both of us. And so it was when I answered the telephone and heard this:

Telemarketer: Hello Ms. Garson. I’m calling you on behalf of Acme Lung Association, and I’m not going to ask you for any money.

Immediately, I was intrigued, yet highly suspicious.  My vast experience with telemarketers who are, as my dear readers know, mostly composed of stupers (short once more, for astoundingly stupid persons) proved that there perpetually existed dangling strings on the other end of the line, eager to be tied. Strings they desperately attempted to attach to me. They wanted something all right, but what? Blood? My highly prized collection of nutritional supplements?

Telemarketer: You want to support those dying from lung cancer, right?

How could I argue with this query?

Telemarketer: Here’s all we ask:

A number of scenarios rapidly raced through my mind; a volunteer job of some type? Displaying a bumper sticker on my car, reading Down with smoking?

Telemarketer: We are going to send you some letters which ask for donations to our organization. All you have to do is put them in envelopes, which you will provide; add postage, which you will also provide, and send the letters along to ten of your neighbors who live on your street.

Perfect, I thought! A surefire way to alienate neighbors, star as the ongoing subject of dirty looks and get banned from attending this year’s community barbecue, which last year was held at the home of a local mad scientist.

Me: No, thank you.

Telemarketer: Thank you and have a great day!

They called. I quietly listened. They hung up. And peace reigned for both of us. How easy was that?

Think first, last and all of the time.


8 Responses to “Stupidity and Creative Telemarketing”

  1. jessica says:

    I literally want to pull my hair out when they call b/c now they are automated. I’m sorry but the day is just too short for me to deal with these folks

  2. Kerry says:

    Unfortunately telemarketers call us all too often. You can file a complaint on them at

  3. Sofi says:

    Fortunately my phone number is unlisted and I don’t get any calls from them. But, I sure receive a lot junk from stupers on my e-mail.

  4. Suzie says:

    They call me so many times that I wish I can grab them from the other side of phone and just beat them up. They always call me when I am busy doing something, or eating my dinner.
    They are #1 in my stuper book.

  5. Tom says:

    there is no escape!

    in britain we call the ones on the street ‘chuggers’ – charity muggers.

    i’m on another blog now.

    there’s a list of 20 ways to increase your happiness. try it out and let me know what you think if you have time 🙂


  6. New Diva says:

    They are not pleasant. The other day, I politely said “no thank you, I’m not interested” and hung up. ( I had supposedly won some prize or other…all I had to do was verify ALL of my informatio…do I look like stuper?) Anyway, the guy called back!!!! I was not polite the second time.

  7. Paulyn says:

    Yes, peaceful it is! I do the same thing too. It does get irritating when they call too often, and sometimes I would just ask them to get our names off their database list.

  8. Onedia says:

    lovely, I don’t really like to listen but I usually say thank you for calling but I do not have time now. Good bye or something like that. You are very patient and thoughtful.

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