Fender-bender stupidity

If you dropped a glass on the kitchen floor and it shattered, would you leave the sharp fragments there? If you’re nodding, please immediately fill up a bucket to the brim with ice water, and stick your head in (all the way) for a good thirty seconds or until you realize the reason for the head dunking, whichever occurs first. If you admitted that you’d leave the shards of broken glass on the floor, thereby creating a hazard for other kitchen goers, you fall smack into the stuper (you know what it’s short for: a staggeringly stupid person) category. If you’re nodding as in dozing off, the bucket will work wonders in keeping you awake.

There are some mysteries more baffling than the true meaning behind Stonehenge or why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour. In this episode of Counterfeit Humans, we will discuss the puzzling mystery involving stupers and the irrational placement of their cars.

Fender benders are quite common, particularly in high traffic areas. When idiots are behind the wheel (as they usually are) during such minor mishaps, the drivers decide that the only course of action is to leave their cars right in the middle of a busy traffic lane. Seriously. Thereby holding up all surrounding traffic and creating a potential hazard.

This often occurs when neither car is disabled. And no crime scene investigation will take place. In fact, the police won’t even bother showing up without the presence of injured parties requiring immediate professional attention. In these cases, often visible damage is negligible. And as for potential internal harm to the vehicles…couldn’t that better be discussed, safely, off to the side of the road or in a nearby parking lot?

I witnessed one vehicle slightly bump into another. Both cars were abandoned by their owners in an effort to physically search for signs of damage. The rear bumper of one vehicle was carefully examined and re-examined by its owner, who paused periodically to discuss what had happened and then started the examination all over again. Meanwhile, I was stuck two cars behind them.

When trapped behind idiots, it’s best to exercise patience while plotting a safe escape.  Focus on issues rather than reactions. I needed to pick up my son, so instead of feeling infuriated at the imbecility before me, I asked myself,

“What’s the most constructive thing I can do without demonstrating anger?”

The answer came to me while I exercised surprising calm. Okay, maybe I drove a little more aggressively than I am wont to do. And had I been in a monster truck, I may have attempted to climb over the mess, but as it was, I found an opening off to my side, went carefully and cautiously in reverse and got the hell out of there and on my merry way.

The best we can do is patiently work our way around stupidity to accomplish our goals.




4 Responses to “Fender-bender stupidity”

  1. Sarah says:

    I see this same scenario happen and I do not understand. Do these people not see cars trying to get around them? Do they just not care? Or are they just stupid? Now I know for sure.

  2. Elaine says:

    Most cities and busy roads even have signs posted, fender bender pull over to shoulder. In you case I vote for the monster truck! Seems that would be the only thing to get their attention.

  3. Surgio says:

    Keli, tell me some thing, do you actually think some people
    use their head? I have seen cars stopped in the middle of street and drivers talk to each other and chat. Hello I am right behind them in my car. I think they should get a prize of stupidity.

  4. Ferd says:

    Great summary sentence!
    Being a Serenity Prayer kind of person, I know I can never change this stuper behavior. And my frustrations don’t help in any way. So I think you are right on the money, as always. I’ll work around them as best I can. But I hope you don’t mind if I mumble a few choice words under my breath, and dream about that monster truck! LOL.

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