iPhone Stupidity

I finally decided to buy an iPhone. The clincher was that I could purchase the phone for substantially less than the usual staggering mid three figure price tag by making use of my beloved upgrade.

When I entered the local AT&T store, Christina, a dead ringer for a younger Sarah Silverman if Sarah had a heavy Cuban accent and spent her formative years in a convent school, assisted me.

When all was said and done, Christina apologetically informed me that I would be taxed, not at the delightfully discounted price, but at the highly elevated and loathsome original price for the phone.

“What?” said I. “Why do I have to pay tax at the $400 price?”

Christina crossed herself, Catholic style, then leaned toward me and whispered. “Ask for a discount.”

You may have heard the term “haggling” bandied about quite frequently lately. It is suggested, in the current climate, that haggling be used freely at the time of most purchases.

“Hey,” Christina continued, apparently reading my hesitant mind. “If the baby don’t cry when it’s hungry, no one’s gonna feed it.”

I stared long and hard at Christina. She added,

“It sounds better in Spanish. Want me to get the manager?”

I nodded.

Unfortunately, I did not properly weigh my options. Haggling works only when the seller suffers from competition. AT&T and the latest iPhone have no competition, especially at the current bargain basement price. I could not threaten to go elsewhere if my demands were not met. I couldn’t even threaten to keep my old phone unless I enjoyed the loud buzzing noise it emitted when I attempted conversation. My only hope was that the manager would feel instant pity for me.

Violet, the amazonian manager, resembled a bouncer at a swanky Sunset Strip club who fearlessly arrived to work nightly on her Harley, sans skullcap and in high heels. Despite my doe eyed looks, Violet said no before I even asked. She explained,

“Look, here’s what I tell my customers about the tax on the iPhone. When you buy a blouse from Macy’s for $100, you’re taxed on $100.”

I was with her on that one.

“But when the blouse is on sale at $50, you’re taxed on the $50 dollar price. Get me? Same as your iPhone.”

Violet puffed out her chest and swaggered away, practically beaming at the cleverness of her explanation. The problem was I was getting a $50 sale blouse, but being taxed on the $100 price.

Violet was a stuper (short for a determinedly stupid person), and a large, muscular one at that. Although she made no sense whatsoever, if I attempted argument, I’d risk being tossed out through a window or worse. Picking out shards of glass from my bare arms and gently windblown hair was not an appealing prospect.

Violet achieved stuper status for her inability to explain the reason for the high tax, which, in case you were wondering, was in the fine print.  The low iPhone price was like getting a rebate, only instantly.

Clearly an unambiguous case all around.

Think first, last and always.



6 Responses to “iPhone Stupidity”

  1. Sarah says:

    I went to the A T &T store last month to get an iPhone. I left because a stuper tried to help me. I went back afew days later, and another idiot helped me. Finally, on the 3rd try, I got a regular person to help and I bought the phone with my upgrade like you did. Is there a reason why so many stupers work in those stores? Yikes!

  2. MC says:

    I hate it when they get you on the fine print. Would it be too much to ask to hire managers who can and do think? The answer: YES!

  3. Mad Woman says:

    I find that the majority of the phone companies such as AT&T have incredibly idiotic people working for them and I can only imagine that it’s got something to do with the fact that they think we’re all as stupid as them.

    How annoying! I hope your iPhone is awesome though!

  4. Vanessa says:

    So did you get the phone? I got mine through the AT&T website and bought a refurbished one and it only cost me $150! Chicka-chicka yeah, cheap iPhone!

    Get the bubble wrap app…

  5. Keli says:

    Yes, Vanessa, I did get the phone and for actually less than you did! And I refused all the additives they insisted I buy with it.
    And furthermore, they had the nerve to tell me that I can only send 200 texts per month unless I coughed up more dough. They claim I now send over 1500 texts. So I am making a conscious effort to limit my texts and instead send everyone e-mail! I showed them!

  6. Ferd says:

    Welcome to the iPhone world!!!
    Try out the WordPress app. It’s easy. You can post from the golf course or the chicken coup, pictures and all!

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