When Stupidity Gives Advice, Find the Nearest Exit

If you live in the big city, I suggest carrying around earplugs or beeswax to promptly stick in your ears because chances are astronomical that you’ll encounter a talking stuper (short, as you all know, for a glaringly stupid person).

If you’ve forgotten to pack the plugs or wax, use your fingers. Believe me, you’ll be grateful you did. If your fingers are painstakingly manicured like mine, and you’re not particularly keen on sticking any fingers in your ears, or if your hands are otherwise occupied with squeezing a tomato, rummaging through a caboose-size handbag or beating up calming a hysterical tot in the midst of his fourth tantrum of the day, then I highly suggest wearing a sign, button or t-shirt that says,

“If you’re stupid, speak to me at your own risk.”

Intelligent, authentic humans reading these words will wink and nod at you in totalĀ  understanding. Idiots will hopefully pause their inane chatter long enough to attempt to read your warning, which means that you’ll be long gone before they open their mouths. This is why I can often be spotted walking at a brisk pace when my hands are full.

Alas, my dear friend, V, did not heed this advice when she decided to take her French Bulldog, Lulu, out for a walk. V lives in the big city, in a twelve story tall condo complex, which sits on a street frequented by about 200,000,000 vehicles daily.

Lulu was on a leash as they entered the building’s lobby. Four small dogs, also in the lobby, were unleashed. Two of them were well trained and belonged to V’s friend, Harvey. Those dogs sat and awaited orders. But the other pooches were frantically jumping around on their hind legs in a desperate attempt to imitate canine pogo sticks. Meanwhile, Lulu went crazy. She wanted off the leash to play with or possibly tear apart the two circus dogs. The owner of the circus dogs admonished V,

“You should never have your dog on a leash.”

Keep in mind, these words were uttered in a setting where the welcoming, wide-open lobby doors beckoning misbehaving, not too bright, off the leash, ADD dogs into chaotic midday traffic, were a mere ten feet away. This should have been a red flag for V to break out the earplugs or the beautifully embroidered lace handkerchief, perfect for gagging the stuper mouth; however, she made the mistake of lingering too long because in the next instant, the idiot dog owner parted her lips to open her mouth to spurt yet another dose of idiocy when V and Lulu made a beeline for the elevator.

That was a close call.

If there is any way to avoid having to listen to the unsound advice of a stuper, I highly recommend taking it. Otherwise, a fit of irritation, annoyance and general malaise is to be expected.

Think for yourself.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

6 Responses to “When Stupidity Gives Advice, Find the Nearest Exit”

  1. jessica says:

    duly noted my dear. I have a pair of plugs I sometimes use for swimming. Good to know there is more I can do with them

  2. Suzie says:

    I have a toy poodle. I don’t like to take her out for a walk any more. One beautiful day I took her on her leash for a walk. I noticed a large dog was coming toward us, without a leash. My little dog is afraid of large dogs so I had to carry her the rest of the way. I looked around to see who owns this big dog. The idiot was nowhere to be found.

  3. Sergio says:

    Thanks Keli, it is good to know that ear plugs are good for other things. To protect yourself from stupers.

  4. V says:

    Not only did I encounter these “stupers” the one time, but EVERYTIME I see them now they remind me that my Lulu should not be on a leash. Perhaps I should listen and allow Lulu to shred their 3 pound dog and maybe, just maybe they won’t open their mouths again.

    Lulu’s mom

  5. omawarisan says:

    “Think for yourself”. If only there were a way to keep stupers from feeling compelled to try thinking and then inflict the results on the rest of us!

  6. Ferd says:

    Yes! Run, don’t walk, from a stuper about to open his/her mouth if at all possible! Thanks, again, Keli!

    Solomon’s proverbs taught me that the wisest use of one’s voice is oftentimes keeping it quiet.
    And I have learned from Princess Gail that just because someone says something to me or asks a question, doesn’t mean I have to answer. Answering is my prerogative. Some people (stupers, eg) usually don’t deserve an answer.

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