The Silver Lining in the Current Economy or Doing Away with Stupidity

We read and hear daily about the cheerless state of our nation’s economy. What we’re not told is that there is a silver lining. I know because I’ve been the recipient of this recent benefit not once, not twice, but three times this past weekend. And as you may have guessed, this silver lining has to do with stupers (short, yet again, for significantly stupid persons).

As most of you well know, Home Depot has been adamant in its refusal to provide customer service. Trying to find an employee, let alone a helpful, thinking employee is like trying to locate the Batcave (Batman’s sought after secret headquarters). It ain’t gonna happen. I’m happy to report that to remain competitively in business, Home Depot has initiated a policy of not hiring idiots. I believe their corporate headquarters contain these very, if not similar, words in their instructions to the Human Resources Department: “THE HIRING OF STUPERS IS NO LONGER CONDONED.”

I strolled into a Home Depot to check out their potted plant selection.

The moment I stepped into the store, four helpful, happy employees greeted me, begging to be of service.

“How can we help you?’

“Thank you, but I see the orchids right over there…” I pointed to a spot about twenty feet away.

Nevertheless, one employee accompanied me in case I had questions; she helped me lift various pots and tried desperately to recall the instructions for the proper care of these delicate exotics.

Stunned, I next went to the bank; Wells Fargo, to be precise. Once again, upon entry, an overjoyed greeting committee welcomed me. I swear one of them looked to be the Bank President. They fervently thanked me for my business. I muttered,

“Um, I’m just withdrawing thirty dollars…”

They continued to thank me.

The teller was extremely helpful. He didn’t ask the usual idiotic questions, such as,

“Don’t you want to upgrade your account to executive level? Don’t you want another ATM card? Don’t you want…?” This is usually where they stop after I holler a resounding, “NO!”

As I left, the Bank President shook my hand; I swear he wanted to slip me a twenty just for coming in.

Finally, I went to Macy’s, the hit or miss store. Once again, not even a hint of stupidity. I found a worker to help me in record time. Before I could utter…

“Is there someone who…”

I heard,

“Here I am!” by a delighted employee.

To be successful in any venture, it is of utmost importance not to behave stupidly and to actively utilize one’s mind. Taking this one necessary step further, the same goes for employees, who act as extensions of the store management. If management wants to be regarded as intelligent, useful beings, they must hire the same. Then success is practically guaranteed.

Why not think?

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

7 Responses to “The Silver Lining in the Current Economy or Doing Away with Stupidity”

  1. MC says:

    I don’t share your optimism. I think you were a victim of coincidence times three. Just to be sure, I’m going to visit my Home Depot today.

  2. Rebecca says:

    Drat! I think their stupidity has shifted to me. I had trouble adding 0+0! Anyway, I wanted to say that I am so glad to finally hear a piece of good news connected to our economy. I hope the news services find out about this.

  3. Jenny says:

    Now,what I have noticed is that especially in malls — but also in restaurants — it is as though everyone is waiting to POUNCE upon you and squirt you with some lotion or perfume or whatnot (in the malls, that is; not in the restaurants) … even if, and almost especially when, you don’t want them to. A few weeks ago a lady came at me with eyes like laser beams fixed upon my makeup. She was very nice and spoke with an accent. “You very dry under eyes I think,” she pronounced, and proceeded to pat a very cool and refreshing creamy gel underneath my eyes, right over my makeup! It really was astounding how much better it made me look. I went back a few weeks later and bought some … so I guess this “bad” economy is paying off for everyone!

  4. jessica says:

    you forgot the part where you woke up and realized it was all a dream.

  5. omawarisan says:

    Last time I went to Home Depot the employees and the potted plants were nearly indistinguishable from one another. One group had aprons on, but I can’t say for sure which.

  6. Elaine says:

    Your comment about Home Depot is one that I often hear. Yet where I live my Home Depot is great and always has been. One can’t walk in the door without being asked if you need help finding something. I’ve been walked to an aisle halfway across the store by an employee just to show me where that obscure item is that I was searching for.

    Jenny – what was the name of the eye product you bought?

    Maybe we should call this new era, Customer Service Reform 🙂

  7. Obamy says:

    Do you think maybe employees trying to keep their jobs figure they better change their attitudes? You are right: I noticed the change in customer service in Home Depot. I am not sure about the banks’ loan departments. They sure are not cooperating, and most of them are downright rude.

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