Stupidity in Swarms

Do you ever feel that you’re one of the last humans left on earth, or at least in your neighborhood, who actively uses his/her mind now and then? When you look around you in the post office or supermarket, do you feel surrounded by swarms* of stupers (short for concretely stupid persons)? I’m happy to report I haven’t felt this way lately. Perhaps I have finally reached the sunlit, always blue sky, summit where idiots no longer have any impact. I may have finally earned my Stupidity Specialist stripes.

Alas, such is not the case for local Pastor Ernie, who lives in my town. I caught him, chin resting forlornly on the Good Book, practically in tears the other day, thanks to the stupid among us. Pastor Ernie is usually a stalwart, jolly fellow, but not when he’s assaulted by a stuper swarm.

Pastor Ernie recently bought a home. A townhome to be exact. The place had a mailbox located among sixty-two other identical mailboxes in the subdivision, all numbered, with locks. The Pastor asked the Homeowners’ Association (HA) to provide him with a key to his box. It took them a few days, but they finally gave him a key. However, they neglected to inform him which of the boxes the key opened. Why? Because they didn’t know.  They rudely reminded the Pastor,

“That’s not our job.”

He continued asking the HA for help. They ignored him, claiming they did their part. They suggested he lay in wait for the Postal worker.

“But I work during the day.”

They shrugged and continued doing nothing.

Pastor Ernie called the Management Company. They said that they were located four hours away, and even if they did make the trip, it could take them days to arrive, as they were very busy. Plus, just what did the Pastor expect them to do? He told me,

“I just wanted to pick up my mail. I didn’t mind waiting, but everyone was so rude about it.”

Finally, Providence intervened in the form of the Pastor’s twenty-four-year old friend, Sam. Sam scanned the boxes and randomly pointed to one. Pastor Ernie inserted the key, and it opened, no thanks to stupidity.

What did the Pastor have to say about idiots?

“For the faults of the many, don’t judge the whole.”

I assured him that we never judge the whole. Just the tried and true idiots.

*Bees are not the only creatures to travel in swarms; locusts, flies and even earthquakes move in swarms. A swarm is an aggregation of insects, geological phenomena and stupers, usually in motion, that typically cause annoyance and irritation, according to Webster’s Dictionary.

Don’t stop thinking!


6 Responses to “Stupidity in Swarms”

  1. MadWoman says:

    Poor Pastor Ernie. I wonder at people,I really do. How selfish and self absorbed do you have to BE???

    Glad he finally got to his mail. What a bunch of idiots!

    PS…I had to type my comment twice because I thought I’d be funny and put a wrong answer in the “please add…” box and see what happened. Yeah…I just about peed my pants when the computer insulted me. That’s fantastic! I think I might love you. 🙂

  2. MC says:

    As if I didnt’ know that stupers act stupidly toward everyone, holy or unholy. Stupers probably drove Mother Theresa mad.

  3. Sarah says:

    Idiots never cease to amaze me. Unhelpful people are always stupid.

  4. Suzie says:

    Anytime I feel like people are changed for the better, and are trying to help each other, guess what? They prove me wrong.
    You cannot change idiots.

  5. omawarisan says:

    I have to admire the pastor for trying so hard to be forgiving with his “for the faults of many” statement.

    I agree with you though Keli. Stupers self identify and separate themselves from the whole by their stupidity.

  6. K says:

    Ok, I’m assuming this key only opens HIS box, right? Why didn’t he just try the key on all the boxes until one opened?

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