Stupidity and Questions

So I’m sitting in the dentist’s office awaiting my turn while focusing all my powers of concentration on translating an article in the Latin edition of People magazine to figure out which major cast member is leaving Ugly Betty when I hear,

“How many dentists work here?”

I look up to find one other person sitting across from me in the waiting room.

“Three,” I reply and before I resume my translation of People, I glance at the reception area. The receptionist smiles brightly at me, while another employee mutters to herself and rigorously shakes her head over the appointment book. I turn back to my magazine.

After a few moments I hear,

“Does Rita still work here?”

I again look up. The same person gazes at me expectantly, while sitting on the edge of her seat. This begs two questions: First, who does she think I am?

The Oracle of Delphi? A one woman detective agency? And no, I was not wearing a trench coat, a Fedora, smoking a pipe or holding a magnifying glass.

Second, who the hell is Rita?

As you may recall from your Ancient World Cultures class, oracles were known in ancient Greece as persons of wise counsel or prophetic opinions. The best part? They often spoke in the form of enigmatic statements. Exactly what is necessary to deflect and throw off a stuper (short for an unapologetically stupid person).

I respond, “The spiral world of stars are populated universes.”

I figure that ought to keep her busy until I’m out of here.

She’s quiet for a few minutes, then sputters, “I was just wondering.”

Glorious silence follows in the waiting room.

Too often, we are accosted by ludicrous questions. All the more incentive for us to memorize an enigmatic sentence or two to carry around for just such purposes.

“We could learn a lot from crayons” or “I don’t believe in mathematics” are two such examples (thank you, Albert Einstein, for the latter quote).

Just think.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

8 Responses to “Stupidity and Questions”

  1. MC says:

    Does this mean you are not the Oracle? Tell me it ain’t so.

  2. Mad Woman says:

    Did you ever find out who Rita is? What a stuper…I hate when people talk to me in waiting rooms about weird stuff.

    By the way…I swear your math questions have gotten harder since I decided to try and “test” the system … it’s trying to turn ME into a stuper!

  3. My way of keeping people occupied is to walk up to them, and with the most excited voice possible, start yelling: “OH MY GAWD! YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU!”

    They spend at least fifteen minutes pondering if they should call the police.

  4. omawarisan says:

    Auuughh…stupers. Don’t they know that being on the other side of the glass is an indicator of being “the person who answers the questions”?

  5. Jenny says:

    I don’t like it that my addition question came up to 13~!

    And no, I do not suffer from triskaidekaphobia!

    Maybe that’s what I should say to people when they, invariably — or at least once per shopping trip — say to me, “Do you work here?”

    Why in the sam hill would someone who “works here” be carrying around a big purse, three skirts, two cardigans, a few pairs of earrings, and at least one dress, while trying on hats?

    On second thought, next time I do believe I shall simply respond: “No, but I do aim with great zeal for the apathetic.”

    And you can’t fool me, Keli. You ARE the Oracle of Delphi.

  6. La Chamuca says:

    Oh god. You are amazing. How’d you come up with that off the top of your head?

  7. Ferd says:

    “The spiral world of stars are populated universes.”

    Yeah, that would have shut me up. I would have thought you were crazy!
    ; )

  8. jessica says:

    please come live with me, please.

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