Stupidity and the Bicyclist

When we view an act of remarkable stupidity, should we take action? Unfortunately, this is not possible because stupidity typically strikes instantly, dashing any hope of defense or prevention. Yet another reason why we must always be alert and on the lookout for the stupid among us.

  As I drove on a city street at the speed limit of 35 mph, I approached a garbage truck, quietly stopped on the shoulder. This was not cause for alarm. If I stayed in my lane and continued driving, all could be well. But throw in a variable, say an earthquake registering 6.9 on the Richter scale or a violent twister drifting off course some 1500 miles from Kansas City or a stuper (short for a heinously stupid person) on a bicycle, pulling a wagon that may or may not contain a child, who swerves in my lane just as I  pass, and suddenly, a mini Armageddon potentially swings into action.

When most of us approach a stopped vehicle, we hopefully stop, or if safe, pass the car using the passing lane. Stupers, being defective in brain capacity by habit and nature, are unable to stop. They are incapable of safely passing. They just continue and either run smack into the stopped vehicle or make a sudden turn in a different direction without assessing the situation.

The moron on the bike did not hit the stopped garbage truck as she approached it. Instead, she continued at the same speed, directly into my lane, not after I’d passed her or even before, but while I drove side by side with her. Perhaps, she was making an exceedingly feeble attempt to enter through my open window or trying to attach herself to the side of my vehicle, as she was tired of pedaling the bike and the wagon. I’ll never know for sure.

Thankfully, no other cars drove in the lane next to me, so I moved quickly away and then back into my lane upon passing her, but not before I carefully observed the sanitation engineers (notice that I am not only politically correct in using job titles, but handy with euphemisms as well- Omawarisan, please take special note; I realize you are carefully examining applicants for your administration) gasp in horror at her insane maneuver. I also viewed the stuper’s expression. It was blank, as usual. Please take note again, that I maneuvered and observed simultaneously.

Daily, I am inundated by those who have a working mind, but who abstain from using it. The group is growing larger. I am thinking of buying a large van, possibly even a retired double-decker tourist bus, collecting stuper specimens and setting up the lab I’ve always dreamed of (“always” is a relative term. For me it refers to when I began writing this post).  In my lab, after obtaining a large government grant, I’d tirelessly try different means of awakening the dormant mind, such as surgery (it’s true, I’ve no surgical experience, yet I’m a hands-on person who is a quick study, and I do have an undergraduate degree in science…political science, but nonetheless, I feel I could make a difference after a few tries) and therapy, such as electric  shock (sooner or later, stupers would have to realize the pain will continue, unless they think first before speaking and/or acting).

Also, think of the giant petri dish factories that would have to be built in order to hold the stuper specimens. That would certainly stimulate our sluggish economy.

We make up our world with our thoughts. Why not think?

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

7 Responses to “Stupidity and the Bicyclist”

  1. omawarisan says:

    I’ve always been impressed. I’m thinking you’d be a great Surgeon General. Stuper research would fit nicely under that job title. I’ll build the lab.

    Oh, and don’t forget, the Surgeon General gets that really cool uniform. I think we should keep that tradition going because no one knows why there is a uniform for that job.

    Don’t sweat the vetting process thing. My people will take care of it.

  2. MC says:

    I think you should have your own administration. The issues you raise are vital and need to be heard. Just today when I was driving, a tow truck decided to come into my lane, on the freeway, while we drove next to each other. I’ll buy you the bus. And don’t worry about running over a few stupers in the process.

  3. Mad Woman says:

    Ugh. People on bikes drive me crazy!!! Good job with the multitasking while driving. There are days when I have enough trouble just driving, let alone watching stuff around me.

  4. Sofi says:

    If while I am driving I see some one riding on a bike next to me, I go into the next lane. Most of them just assume drivers will look out for them. “Life’s tough. It’s even tougher if you are stupid”

  5. Onedia says:

    Alas, I fear sometimes I would be one of the stupers. When I zone out and fail to be mindfully present I often can be confused with a stuper of one type or another. However, I do try to avoid such episodes while operating a potential weapon. I do try, really I do.

  6. H says:

    It seems that a general lack of awareness is one of the most prominent stuper characteristics. I could spend hours being amused, and at the same time horrified, watching observational video you’d collect in a stuper study.

  7. Ferd says:

    LOL!
    I especially relished the idea of stimulating thoughtful speech and action by electric shock negative reinforcement! Very clever! You DO have a research scientist inside you!
    ; )

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