Stupidity and Blurting Out Phrases That Are Better Left Unsaid

Since my last post, my office has moved from a dismal and drab location to a near match for Fifth Avenue, and I’ve been busy packing, unpacking, organizing, working and suffering from a sudden attack of IM syndrome: Idiot Mouth syndrome. This commonplace malady strikes regular people, like you and me, especially me, and causes words to uncontrollably tumble out of our mouths before we realize we should have pulled the emergency brain brake and exercised thought prior to speaking. This idiotic impulse can potentially lead to disastrous consequences and/or immediate branding as a stuper (short for an unbelievably stupid person).

I attended a noon hour meeting, in a room full of attorneys. There were two problems: no lunch was being served, and I’d not eaten anything. Everyone who really knows me is aware that when I go hungry, say for a period of 90 minutes or more, my usual gentle, sweet demeanor peels away and the Attila the Hun in me is let loose. Arrrggghh! To add to my crabbiness during the meeting, my stomach growled so loudly, I shouted to be heard over the din; the hard-of-hearing didn’t stand a chance.

I was the new kid in town, thrown into a close-knit clan. After listening to idle gossip for ten minutes, I introduced myself and received a slew of non committal, disinterested stares which, along with my hunger, only enhanced my foul temper. I suddenly blurted out, “I haven’t practiced law in almost twenty years, and I’ve loved every minute of it.”

Those who placed high marks on honesty and candor might have applauded my statement. As you may imagine, the room fell silent… except for my growling stomach which competed with the ear shattering thunderstorm outside.

I immediately realized my gross error and tried to induce blindness and perhaps rapid onset amnesia with a dazzling smile. Alas, they didn’t fall for it.

I wiped away all traces of saliva that appeared after watching the fellow next to me devour his chicken pot pie, and forced myself to perk up. I re-focused, not on the roar of my empty middle section, demanding as it was; I ignored my Attila-like tendencies, and directed my energies on the issues being discussed. I tried really hard…and almost made it. I suddenly interrupted a discussion about judges with,

“When I was Business Affairs Counsel for XYZ Motion Picture Studio….”

Fortunately, I was able to switch direction quickly, realizing that these lawyers cared as much about what I did in a previous life as they did about my having had a super grand time staying at home, raising my family instead of working. I needed to focus on the here and now.

We all know that awareness is the first step to changing displeasing habits and/or characteristics. I am exceptionally aware of what hunger pangs do to my typically charming, mild-mannered personality, and I usually carry around a snack or two in my swimming pool-size handbag for that very reason. Except I forgot that day. Instead, I shoved a large slice of humble pie down my throat, reminding myself that I’m a whole lot happier when I find ways to help others instead of focusing on myself.

Think.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

10 Responses to “Stupidity and Blurting Out Phrases That Are Better Left Unsaid”

  1. MC says:

    Nice to have you back. I can’t relate to this post. I’ve never blurted out anything without thinking. But if I do, I’ll help an old lady across the street and see if it makes me feel better.

  2. Sofi says:

    Keli I admire you. You sure are a lady, if I was in your place I would grab a piece of chicken and shove it in my mouth. You are doing the right thing keep it up.

  3. Suzie says:

    I missed reading your blog, I am glad you are back! You are on the right track. Helping people always gives you special satisfaction.

  4. omawarisan says:

    Yeah, what Suzie said!

    Wish I could blame a few choice moments on having not eaten. I don’t know what is stopping me, actually.

    Oh, and Mr. Chicken Pot Pie needs to be sent to some sort of reeducation camp. Chicken Pot Pie is not on the list of approved foods for a lunch meeting.

  5. Elaine says:

    I too have eaten humble pie when carelessly blurting out something and instantly wishing I could grab the words as they float through the air. It’s a horrible feeling.

  6. Ferd says:

    I think it’s only human to say the wrong thing once in a while. Often the best thing to do is listen and not speak, especially when the brain is not at full speed.

    Like you, I am a nut about taking good care of myself. I take the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) thing to an extreme. I take active care of myself every day, or I do dumb things that I live to regret.

    Very nice post, Keli.
    (Granola bars keep forever in my manbag.)

  7. Jingle says:

    wow,
    what a fun post!
    Happy Monday!

  8. And here I thought that line was fantastic. 😛

  9. BothEyesShut says:

    Dear Keli,

    Meetings represent counterfeit humanity’s attempt at socializing toward a common purpose, the irony being, of course, that no one present has the like goal of anyone else’s. Since meetings, therefore, have their sandy foundations rooted in this lie, my reaction is one of mirth and sarcasm.

    It’s impossible to respect one on the basis of one’s professional rank. Respect always results from one’s personal attributes, however related or not related to one’s job they may be, so when in a room with people who do not know one another’s honest personalities, I like to watch them to see how each person acts out his or her professional part in the play, trying to discern their individual untruths in order to glean glimmers of who they may actually be.

    Had I been there, it would have wildly amused me had I been able to tell that you were ravenously hungry. I also would have inwardly (if not outwardly) mocked the lawyers’s dismissal of your interjected comments.

    I rather disdain so-called professionality, anyhow, in case that hasn’t been aptly communicated, but your post made me smile on that score.

    I’ve enjoyed my stay here, Miss Keli, so thanks for the ink.

    Yours Truly,

    -Both

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