I am nearsighted, and I am vain. Which means I don’t always wear my glasses, which means you may appear a blur to me from 10 feet or more away when viewed with my naked eye. But rest assured, I have 20-20 vision for all things close range. Stand within 3 or 4 feet of me, and I won’t miss a mole or a wink, should you generously aim one my way.
To satisfy my vanity and to avoid public outcry from those not properly and accurately greeted from afar, I sometimes wear contact lenses…which tend to blur my close range vision. Bifocals are not in my vocubulary. Neither is Lasik. Can you call me a stuper (short for a noticeably stupid person?) I’m afraid so.
So while wearing my contacts last week, I strolled over to the bank to make a deposit. Because of my blurred upclose vision, I slightly reconfigured my bank account numbers on the deposit slip, switching a 2 with a 1. This is what I said to the teller, after handing her the slip:
Me: I’m sorry, but I think I switched two of the numbers around.
To assist her, I opened my checkbook, so she could view the account number.
Teller (after glancing at the slip): OMG! This is terrible! This is SO WRONG!
Me: Really? (I knew I’d messed up, but really?)
Teller: COMPLETELY! Look at this! (She waved the slip in the air, above her square-shaped head, for all to see. Even an old lady shuffling along in the middle of the bank, hunched over her walker, stopped and straightened up to take notice.
With great flourish, the teller pulled out a fresh slip and rewrote the numbers, all the while rolling her eyes, shaking her head and muttering, “This is SO wrong.”
I had indeed switched the 1 and 2 around.
Lately, I’ve not found any of the employees, at the banks I frequent, helpful or very nice. I asked a different teller, days before, if it was too late for me to donate gifts to a charity the Bank sponsored for Christmas.
Her response: I have NO idea.
I have this fantasy of marching into the bank and withdrawing all of my money at the slightest provocation.
Teller: Can I see your driver’s license?
Me: (slapping my palm on the glossy black countertop) That’s it! I’m closing my account!
Teller: You’ve got a little piece of a leaf in your hair.
Me: What? I’m closing my account! NOW!
In my fantasy, my account is rather significant in amount and so has a major impact. My reality is not so, at the moment.
But alas, I remind myself that for some one, even a stuper, to behave so irrationally, they must be suffering. Either from a total lack of brainpower (ie, lazy brain from complete lack of use) or some overriding problem which they are unable to set aside in order to enjoy life.
This holiday season, gift giving has been on most of our minds. I’d like to remind my dear readers to also hand out those gifts that are less tangible: kindness, courtesy, patience and understanding. Giving happiness to others is tremendously important to our own happiness. The benefits are immeasurable, as the satisfaction of helping another can be sheer bliss, and we make our journeys around the world a little easier.
Wishing you all the happiest of holidays!