Grandmas youngest son, Larry, lived 140 miles away. He visited Grandma several times a year bringing along his wife, Fran, twenty-three year-old daughter Melba and pooch, Henry. Henry is a Boston Terrier, whose purchase price, wed all been assured, rivaled that of a small, slightly used, Korean automobile.
Henry was much loved by Fran and Melba. Whenever they visited, Henry perched on the coffee table or sofa, striking a pose that only a dog owner could love. His owner, that is. Or he pranced about as far as his little paws carried him, though Grandma preferred he enjoy the great outdoors. No matter that Grandma hovered around ninety years old, had asthma and kept her own dog in the backyard when company was present; Henrys place was among the other guests.
Larrys previous visit was during a family and friends party of about fifty people. Visitors mostly lounged in the living room, family room and kitchen areas. Coincidentally, Henry too mostly lingered in those rooms, on a leash. Unfortunately, his flexible, twenty-six foot leash created a booby trap of sorts, tripping a few elderly relatives who then slipped on the wet puddle next to Henrys water bowl (in the family room) and almost fell headlong onto the kitchen counter.
After a few complaints about said leash, Melba decided to liberate Henry. He, in turn, chose to reward all by trotting away into Grandmas master bedroom and doing his dooty on the carpet beside her bed in the exact spot that Granny liked to place her foot upon climbing in and out of bed.
So come Thanksgiving, Grandma asked Larry to leave Henry at home. Larry objected, claiming Henry had nowhere to go.
My dear, intelligent reader, please note at this point: Larrys family kept a full-time, live-in maid, and Fran had about a dozen relatives living within a fifteen-mile radius of their home, including her parents, assorted aunts and uncles, brothers, and several cousins.
Larry told Grandma that either Henry came along for Thanksgiving or none of them would be there. Grandma felt disturbed, not quite knowing how to please everyone or anyone, for that matter.
Grandma clearly failed to adequately explain about kennels and dog-sitters to Larry in his youth. She considered her options: hosting an outdoor Thanksgiving celebration that year so Henry could do his business properly. Grandma could wrap herself in heavy blankets and a snow-cap so the chilly, late fall air would hopefully not affect her. Then again, she could wish Larry and Henry Happy Thanksgiving via the telephone, fax or instant messaging, thanks to the wonders of modern technology. And there always was plastic sheeting. Granny could spread the sheeting over the flooring and furniture so Henry could roam and reign and do his dooty freely.
As it turned out, Larry and his family came, and left Henry at home with their housekeeper which, Fran informed Grandma, was where they typically left him when they were not at home. All this fuss over naught.
Larry needed to get his priorities straight. As the ending of this episode showed, holiday arrangements for Henry were easily made. Larry could have made his mother happy by merely exercising some thought and flexibility for that one evening. Yes, moms do take priority over pets. Most moms, anyway.
Holidays may bring along added stress from the excitement of organizing, socializing and/or traveling. Stress promotes stupidity as it prevents clarity of thought. Take note of what it did to Larry. Its important to acknowledge this ahead of time and plan ways to alleviate or defuse potential sources of anxiety. Deep thought, deep breaths and an equally deep sense of humor can work wonders to keep stress at bay. A small taser gun slipped inside a long sleeve may help too.
Think first, last and always.
Keli
Keli@counterfeithumans.com
Stupers (short for decidedly stupid persons) can be a source of conflict for those of us who choose to exercise our minds. I noticed the vast majority of the problems requiring televised judicial assistance from the likes of Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Maria and Judge About Anybody revolve around stupers. The conflicts I attempt to resolve right here exclusively arise from stupers; here’s one now from blog reader Teri:
The party lasted several hours. As we hugged and said our farewells, Aunty Talia, whom I’d known since I was six, marched up to me, not to say goodbye, but to rudely ask, “Did you say hello to my mother?” I went into complete shock. Keep in mind, this was about four hours after the party started. Not only was this a dumb question, but what the heck was that about? I said “hello” to everyone! I was speechless. I ransacked my mind (which I do use, by the way) to see if I’d forgotten. I thought I’d greeted everyone. I felt confused and upset. Aunty Talia stormed away before I could say, “I’m sorry.” Since then, she ignores me at all parties. In fact, she gives me the cold shoulder. Was it my fault? Do I have to apologize? The mom is not mute or deaf. She could have said hello just as easily. What should I have done? 
You’ve probably read about the best means to scare off a bear or mountain lion when suddenly confronted by one while wandering in the woods. If you run away, you confirm you are prey and will likely be eaten. To survive, one must look the beast in the eye, and stand firm and fierce (pulling out a shotgun or machete would be helpful also), letting it know you mean business. And so it is with stupidity.
I’m trying to set a world’s record for fastest deleter of unwanted, annoying, highly irritating forwarded mass e-mails sent by a stuper (short, once more, for an earnestly stupid person). So far, I’m deleting each forwarded message at a rate of .08 seconds. Not quite fast enough.
Why do stupers spread untruths? Is this yet another case of looking outward so they don’t have to search within a mind that is out of whack anyway? I think a better question would be what can we, as intelligent, thinking beings do when stupidity raises its wobbly head in this manner?
Naomi invited Denice, her husband and adult daughter to Thanksgiving dinner. Then just as quickly, Naomi dissed them. By “dissed” I mean disinvited them. Why? Because Naomi is a card-carrying stuper (short for a noxiously stupid person), and the brain of an idiot, as most of my dear readers have learned, is corroded, filled with selfish, contaminated thoughts. Naomi told Denice she decided to have a “low key” gathering including only her own parents. Naomi was unable to put her foot down without putting it in her mouth, a defect of most stupid minds.
Dear Keli,
Stupidity can chip away even at minds of Einstein-like proportions (witness Einstein’s many quotes about stupers). If we don’t take control over our own minds, then we will become stupers ourselves. As is it, Sarah is permitting an inferior, seldom used mind to contaminate her own.
